“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now: Ruburt’s irritability is partially physical of late. The body wants to move. Irritability is indeed in its way a sign of life and vitality. It is not passive, for example. Physically Ruburt is nervous. The nervous system is being activated. He wants to walk—and is being driven toward motion, even though his present capabilities as yet only allow him to go so far. The irritability then is a healthy, nervous reaction. The nerves are physically urging him on—hence of course the walking in the kitchen, the impatience in the chair, the odd nervous sensations in the legs and hips, and behind this, your decision again not to hide —not to be apologetic. His body is already less apologetic.

On the other hand, the decision to have the interview (for the Village Voice), to take up with Eleanor, and so forth—these events catapult old beliefs to the forefront of Ruburt’s mind—an excellent reaction, by the way—for when those beliefs are voiced and discussed then they can be understood and eventually dismissed.

There are periods of rest necessary, so for a while Ruburt did not write down his feelings. He was tired of dealing with them. Now they are coming to the forefront again, and Ruburt is tying them into your early springtime pendulum sessions, so that some new benefits now can come from that old work.

The decision to have the interview of itself meant that Ruburt was less afraid. The event of the interview showed you both, in concentrated form, how much you hid from others, and led to the further decision as described in our last session–not to hide Ruburt’s condition, and not to be apologetic about it either.

Let us briefly discuss the past. You both considered yourselves fine intellectuals, and at that time advocates of science and of the mind. You, Joseph, were particularly distrustful of the emotions, particularly of course of any raw emotion, and you preferred, if possible, to discuss emotions intellectually while feeling them as indirectly as possible. Ruburt was more emotionally demonstrative, more open to people, while frightened of them at the same time.

When he danced, he often felt that he was dancing out the emotions of others. When our sessions began I spoke to you in an intellectual rather than emotional manner. In the beginning the two of you experimented more or less together, with your psy-time and so forth. You did not allow yourself to be moved by people to the extent that Ruburt sometimes did.

He grew afraid of drinking, lest his inhibitions be dropped, and he began getting impressions about other people, and telling them. Several affairs frightened you both: the woman in labor, for example, and the affair in which Ruburt banged upon the table. You both felt that considerable caution had to be used. Ruburt drank considerably in class—yet always with one eye watching the other. He had to show that he had psychic abilities, but that he was in control of them. He had to prove that he was a reasonable person. He felt that you would disapprove of many class events, in those classes you did not attend—that you would think he went too far.

(10:05.) It is very possible that you would have found the emotional aura at least vaguely unpleasant on some occasions—so Ruburt always tried, because of his own feelings as well as yours, to be intuitional and intellectual at the same time. He was also afraid of making errors, because unlike other psychics, he could not simply conveniently forget them or make up a story to cover them.

Ruburt has emphasized the intellect’s critical qualities, so that they serve as an impetus to lead him to this opening that he knows exists, though he only senses it so far, and has experienced it but briefly. It would carry him where intuitively he knows he can go.

(10:13.) Give us a moment.... This does involve you practically in periods of discontent, a discontent that is in its way a constant reminder that prevents you from being satisfied with lesser answers along the way. Ruburt is being led to discover that the answers to his intellectual questions about his abilities, my existence, life after death, the solution to his physical problems, can only be discovered through the appreciation and use of his intuitive and psychic abilities. He is now making that intellectual discovery.

The intellect then discovers that its own abilities were greatly limited before, because of the small scope within which its questions were asked. Ruburt is now coming to that kind of realization, and that kind of development—which is of course the only possible answer. Some intellects weary quicker than others, or quickly use up, say, a fairly limited scope, but Ruburt’s has been restless and stubborn.

I am not making judgments now, but showing reactions—so the two of you hid the sessions from the beginning, for example. You tried to fit the sessions into the scientific context, as you thought was right, with the testing and so forth. None of that spoke of any great emotional exhibitionism, yet both of you feared it. Ruburt has pared down his abilities (as I mentioned before the session). He has pared them down to those he could reasonably explain intellectually.

Ruburt felt he had to explain to the world, and he began to cut off experiences that he did not intellectually find decisive answers for. This does apply to the predictions and to his attitudes toward the mail—which are highly ambiguous.

Again, a note: when Ruburt talks about his work, this is often a ruse, an excuse, to hold back from free, playful, intuitive or psychic experiences. You both like to use the word work to show others that you are not irresponsible, and that you work twice as hard as they do. This also means, however, that you inhibit natural, playful creativity and sometimes what I will call high art, because you are so obsessed with your images.

For a while you altered your schedules. This shook you up a bit psychically, and freed some energy, and Ruburt did very well typing Seven. You broke up some habitual negative patterns, and gave yourselves some different viewpoints. These viewpoints were barely noticed, and yet they also resulted in a loosening of some mental patterns, simply because you did not automatically do certain things because it was a certain time of day.

Sleeping five hours or so—for Ruburt, in any case—right now is good, because his body wants to move by then, and soreness and irritability begin toward morning as a rule for that reason and at this stage.

Read this session carefully, and pay attention to it. Try to be somewhat daring in your ways together, and less cautious and inhibited. The session should give both of you important hints to release your own creativity, and when Ruburt is feeling blue about something, if he does not discuss it with you, he should write the feelings down at once.

Ruburt can give them that—and “that” must of necessity appear out of context. It will not fit in with current theories, for the current theories by their nature must distort the truth they carry. In those terms, of course, some distortion is necessary, (louder:) yet there is a hint of the eternal—a snatch of timelessness. That can appear momentarily, and that is definite, if indefinable, as in my voice in this moment.