“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The story of what we’ve been up to the last few days can be found in Jane’s records of her pendulum sessions since March 28. Of course, she has been trying to find out causes for her physical symptoms. I’ve helped her somewhat, but plan to do much more. Several times lately she’s remarked that she’s “desperate,” so when she did so again in bed recently I told her that from the next day on we would put her needs first, regardless of all else. This means working with the pendulum, suggestion, selfhypnosis, whatever’s needed, to get at the root of her troubles. We’ll do this first thing each morning, for however long it takes each day, until we see signs that results are what we want them to be.

(We wanted a session tonight on Jane’s problem, although we’d settle for something from Seth each time, along with his other book dictation, or whatever. As a result of our work with the pendulum this morning, Jane was so relaxed by session time that she didn’t know whether she could manage a session. I suggested she try, so that her mind would be at ease. Tonight’s session was excellent, and should of course be studied in connection with the material we’ve already accumulated through pendulum work.)

The fears were never granted validity, however, though sometimes given vague intellectual recognition. They were considered cowardly, unadult, unreasonable, degrading, and both of you considered them in that light. “How abject can you get?” you would both think.

We must start with the fact that Ruburt did not feel secure as a child, but was made somewhat to feel responsible for his mother’s illness and breakup of her marriage. He was then sent to a home. He was a high-spirited child, and was taught there that he must toe the mark and do what the others did, or he would be punished.

Later, when he returned home, he learned that he must toe the mark again, or Welfare would put him in another home. He must not make waves. It was not safe to stand out. His food, clothing, and survival depended on toeing the mark. The church provided a family of sorts, but that family also was dependent upon religious obedience. Ruburt’s high spirits and abilities fought against such circumstances. He finally broke away from the church—running to college—a college considered by the church at the time as communistically inclined, antireligious, and so forth.

He refused several marriage proposals, having determined he would not toe the mark at all in a conventional marriage. He tried a relationship with Walt, but his high spirits and abilities would not stand for that kind of repression. When he met you, he turned to love and science, for by then he had set upon science and the intellect as a safe means of containing his abilities and expressing them.

He found himself with you and his work. He would do what he would do anyway, protecting himself as he thought fit. When the feedback stopped, the subconscious became panicky. Since so much of Ruburt’s life was involved with yours, it felt that Ruburt must now toe the mark with you also—at least topside —so that he must not express any contrary opinions, or that you would abandon him also, in which case he would be utterly alone.

As his abilities blossomed, the safeguards turned into fortifications. He could not counter the fears because he would not acknowledge them. The unconscious therefore felt forced to take stronger measures.

(10:20.) Give us a moment.... At times, again, inroads would be made. I have probably mentioned before that in college Ruburt would cross the street often rather than meet a group of students. The pattern simply intensified. The Gallery of Silence affair was simply another episode, in which fears were poohpoohed, but he was afraid that those people would come here, and he felt threatened.

A note: I had not intended to say this again. Because it seems to do no good. I would like to mention, however, that neither of you make any serious effort to change your beliefs about the world of men.

My standards of spiritual behavior, I would say, are as pertinent as your own, as “high,” yet I can honestly say that your self-righteousness blinds you both to the good intent, however misguided, in say even political actions. Look how Ruburt’s unconscious tries to protect him, with symptoms that you certainly find most disagreeable, because Ruburt has not given his unconscious, say, all of the facts.