“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(The story of what we’ve been up to the last few days can be found in Jane’s records of her pendulum sessions since March 28. Of course, she has been trying to find out causes for her physical symptoms. I’ve helped her somewhat, but plan to do much more. Several times lately she’s remarked that she’s “desperate,” so when she did so again in bed recently I told her that from the next day on we would put her needs first, regardless of all else. This means working with the pendulum, suggestion, selfhypnosis, whatever’s needed, to get at the root of her troubles. We’ll do this first thing each morning, for however long it takes each day, until we see signs that results are what we want them to be.

(It appears that we’ve already made a small beginning; through the pendulum we’ve arrived at several categories of belief to explore. For the first time in many months I feel that we might be onto something, and so does Jane.

(We wanted a session tonight on Jane’s problem, although we’d settle for something from Seth each time, along with his other book dictation, or whatever. As a result of our work with the pendulum this morning, Jane was so relaxed by session time that she didn’t know whether she could manage a session. I suggested she try, so that her mind would be at ease. Tonight’s session was excellent, and should of course be studied in connection with the material we’ve already accumulated through pendulum work.)

Later, when he returned home, he learned that he must toe the mark again, or Welfare would put him in another home. He must not make waves. It was not safe to stand out. His food, clothing, and survival depended on toeing the mark. The church provided a family of sorts, but that family also was dependent upon religious obedience. Ruburt’s high spirits and abilities fought against such circumstances. He finally broke away from the church—running to college—a college considered by the church at the time as communistically inclined, antireligious, and so forth.

(10:00.) If you did not toe the mark, you were punished severely, or abandoned; or your sustenance was cut off. His unconscious had learned to tread a careful line, to let Ruburt use his abilities while seeing that he was protected at the same time. Its ideas were largely gained in childhood, and there was a giveand-take between Ruburt’s fears and hopes. Gradually, however, the give-and-take gave. He held back the fears, thinking them beneath adult behavior. He stopped giving his unconscious feedback in that regard.

Give us a moment.... Ruburt did not approve of fear. He felt it was, again, cowardly. It was given no validity, nor acknowledged as valid. As the books continued to sell, several conflicts arose. They served expression and creativity, and they insured financial security—but at the same time they made Ruburt’s unofficial “dangerous” thoughts publicly available. They told the world he did not toe the line, and he feared retribution, ostracism, scorn.

At the time the subconscious developed these fears, it believed that its survival was dependent upon other people, for Ruburt was young and frightened. If you did not do what other people said, you were in trouble—and deeply. In the face of that belief Ruburt still determined to do his own thing, only with the safeguards.

(10:20.) Give us a moment.... At times, again, inroads would be made. I have probably mentioned before that in college Ruburt would cross the street often rather than meet a group of students. The pattern simply intensified. The Gallery of Silence affair was simply another episode, in which fears were poohpoohed, but he was afraid that those people would come here, and he felt threatened.

Ruburt does not think that you are afraid, for you seldom voice any fears. He feels, therefore, that he is a coward, that fears make him seem abject, that they are unacceptable. On various occasions, when the suggestions in his papers worked—you follow me—they worked because at the same time Ruburt was writing down his feelings: his aggressions and his fears.

(10:45 PM. Seth’s remark about the Rockefellers came about evidently because I’d read an article recently claiming that the Rockefellers were making loads of money out of the country’s inflation troubles, re the Arab oil crisis, etc. I’d forgotten it. At this time, however, I’d have trouble believing the Rockefellers weren’t making out like bandits.

(I mentioned to Jane a question I’d thought of during the session but hadn’t interrupted to ask: If the subconscious can reason, as Seth tells us, why doesn’t it understand that at times it can go too far sometimes?—that obviously the idea of selfprotection can be very damaging if carried to extremes. Why wouldn’t it back off somewhat in such a case? Its own domain could literally be threatened or obliterated if it didn’t act within bounds. Jane listened, but didn’t get anything from Seth in answer, so it’s for next time. She did say that Seth indicated that class helped her to some degree, in that she got approval from it, as in a family situation.)