“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Later, when he returned home, he learned that he must toe the mark again, or Welfare would put him in another home. He must not make waves. It was not safe to stand out. His food, clothing, and survival depended on toeing the mark. The church provided a family of sorts, but that family also was dependent upon religious obedience. Ruburt’s high spirits and abilities fought against such circumstances. He finally broke away from the church—running to college—a college considered by the church at the time as communistically inclined, antireligious, and so forth.

He refused several marriage proposals, having determined he would not toe the mark at all in a conventional marriage. He tried a relationship with Walt, but his high spirits and abilities would not stand for that kind of repression. When he met you, he turned to love and science, for by then he had set upon science and the intellect as a safe means of containing his abilities and expressing them.

Your own joint sexual love was too hot for either of you to handle, and you both tempered it with intellectualism and caution; but for all of that it has endured. Ruburt’s abilities and energy kept seeking fulfillment. Through those years he considered himself an outcast from society, and he did not know where his abilities were leading. He tried to toe the mark while doing his own thing. He did not identify with the world or its people. He identified mentally, however, with science, with the avant-garde, and so was sustained. At the gallery, for example, when your psychic work began, he did not speak out, and you encouraged him not to, and you both considered this as a scientific kind of breakthrough. When Ruburt discovered that his energy and abilities had led him to a point where he was at odds with religion and science, and had no place to roost, thematically, he became very worried.

(10:00.) If you did not toe the mark, you were punished severely, or abandoned; or your sustenance was cut off. His unconscious had learned to tread a careful line, to let Ruburt use his abilities while seeing that he was protected at the same time. Its ideas were largely gained in childhood, and there was a giveand-take between Ruburt’s fears and hopes. Gradually, however, the give-and-take gave. He held back the fears, thinking them beneath adult behavior. He stopped giving his unconscious feedback in that regard.

As his abilities blossomed, the safeguards turned into fortifications. He could not counter the fears because he would not acknowledge them. The unconscious therefore felt forced to take stronger measures.