“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt’s early environment was far from perfect. He chose it, because it did indeed provide a framework that would make questioning prominent. He began in his own way to form his own theory concerning the nature of God and reality at a young age. He expressed these theories and feelings through poetry, which was itself an unconventional activity.

The poetry provided a direct expression of his ideas, and a protective coating as well. He lived by those ideas, however. As stated, this brought conflict with the church—a painful-enough period for Ruburt, but he was sure in his convictions. At the same time, poetry was and is creative play, and it sprang from the depths of his being. You do not have to try and make poetry practical.

Our sessions began, really, as an extension, a natural enough development, the results of a personal search. Give us a moment.... I have given more material than I can say on the subject of Ruburt’s attitude toward creativity and what happens when he emphasizes the idea of work as work, or as a career, above his spontaneous creativity. I got my message through to some degree on several occasions for example, when his arms were suddenly free. It is the overemphasis upon work and career—overemphasis, now, that brings about or triggers the fears behind the difficulties.

When he is emphasizing his own creativity, encouraging it, encouraging its spontaneity, then that flow has its own impetus and direction. It is freeing spiritually and physically. That flow releases or incites solutions, and is overall, say, of itself fear-banishing.

It keeps him in touch with the powerful portions of his personality that search for truth, out of joy in the activity for the quest itself. The doing is important. When he considers work as paramount, however, or thinks in terms of “the work of my life,” that emphasis inclines (with amusement) him to think primarily of results rather than of doing. It inclines him to see his ideas as existing in direct conflict to those of your contemporary times. That focus inclines him to a quite literal insistence that his creative material should in its way act like some supernatural doctor’s prescription that can be at once taken like a pill to solve each and every problem of each and every correspondent, and of course to solve his own problems as well.

Then he feels that he is in at best an ambiguous position, for the world continues doing as it will, and his correspondents, solving one problem, immediately write with another. This kind of situation of course then triggers old fears of doubt or threat. Those fears are then not admitted, for he thinks that they must indeed be beneath a person whose entire life work is devoted to a search for the nature of reality, and therefore a person who must possess, or try to possess, the answers to all of the questions.

In such a situation, Ruburt thinks of work as work, and finds himself wanting—for a doctor after all heals patients, a lawyer solves cases or whatever, so it seems to Ruburt that his work must—underlined three times—make truth practical, and of course beneficially so. That emphasis alone, with the material I mentioned, and the triggering fears, further opens the door to other worries.

Television becomes a threat because he feels he is being asked to prove the unprovable, and yet since this is his life’s work he feels responsible to do so.

He did not want me to tell you this—but your seriousness, much as it is well-intended in “Unknown” 2 and its notes, bothered him. They inclined him further to think in terms of his life’s work as a highly serious, no-nonsense endeavor, a body of work to be set against the world’s other great works.

(10:15.) Of course the personal material did threaten him, with his beliefs, for how could the person responsible for such a weighty lifework have any weaknesses? Certainly the weaknesses said that the material was not true – because when he emphasizes work over creativity he becomes overly conscientious, overly concerned with responsibility, and puts himself in a situation where old fears are indeed triggered.

In those circumstances, free creativity itself almost becomes suspect, for supposing his creativity turns up an element that is contradictory? Or again, that will be misinterpreted, that will be used “wrongly” by others? In that kind of a climate, both inner and outer worlds to some extent must be protected against. I have given material saying that most clearly on innumerable occasions.

It was important that Ruburt state his position, for example, by saying clearly that the symptoms threatened him, and that they threatened him more than any scorn, and important also that he state that the symptoms inhibited his writing. Once the pendulum shows you that the subconscious does understand, however, it is all right to check now and then,but those statements can act as negative suggestions otherwise. Each session should be thought of with its questions in consecutive terms, so that later questions follow the reasoning pattern already given.

You asked the question about the subconscious this evening, before the session, and Ruburt immediately interpreted it in the light of the following: the weight of the responsibility it carried for all those psychologists, and all of their patients, and his responsibility to obtain, in capitals, the answer, not only for himself but for all those other people. The idea behind the question does of course spring partially from your private, practical concerns right now, and yet it also springs from Ruburt’s and your great natural curiosity.

The overemphasis, again, upon the work alone triggers the old fears about poverty, and toeing the mark and so forth, for it arouses worries about “making the work pay.” Remember, when Ruburt wrote short stories he slanted them for the market. The woman could not win out in tales for Playboy, so when Ruburt thinks in that fashion about work, he thinks he is not only not slanting his material for the market, but often telling people precisely what they may not want to hear at all—hence this would arouse worries about the sale of the books.