“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Want to make a note also about feelings on awakening from nap—tho I don’t recall them too clearly. The idea was that my belief in an extraordinary or supernatural force, working through nature, sustained me as a child. When I saw through the conventions and dogmas of the church, I threw the whole idea overboard. In a way later, I “put my faith” in Rob as being older, wiser, and so forth, and idealized him. Then, discovering that he was, after all, fallible, I felt betrayed; and worse I felt for some periods that he rejected me. This was years ago. But I no longer felt as I did as a child, that the universe was well-intended or cared for me particularly; and looking about the world saw personal threats. I kept searching through my work...disliking organized religions with their distortions and suspecting the “supernatural” that went along with it. During this entire period, I developed a way of retreating from the world — habits of thought and action. People who profess belief in God often are so... mean-minded, fanatical... that I threw the belief out the window. All I can say is— what would they be like if they didn’t... “believe in God?” I considered prayer embarrassing, demeaning... I think Rob considers it embarrassing—but I don’t KNOW that he does.