“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Worked well, James. 2 hours AM. MOSTLY THOUGH, THE ODDEST FEELINGS, as if my head in particular has been held in one position only though I know it hasn’t been THAT stiff; like an iron rod from my head downward so that I had to move in one fashion; all together; and my head inside... shudders, like a car trying to start; particularly something trying to drop or extend or lengthen in the right side of my neck between head and shoulders; and my sinus drain / with this, a willingness more to walk, difficult to describe; and I feel LIGHTER ON MY FEET; though I don’t weigh much when I walk I feel very heavy... and I’m doing this James thing about leaving melancholy’s castle; surely there’s a connection. I did realize yesterday that the body’s natural “God given”! defenses include agility, responsiveness, strength, dependability, good health—and instead I undermined those and set up artificial rigidities; did realize impossible as it sounds that Seth was right—constant anxiety and tenseness caused the whole thing; and DID resolve to let it all go.

Comes to me today that years ago I got scared when I thought anyhow that Rob’s parents “shit on us” when we were broke; before I hadn’t worried about money—just writing . Then, still kept symptoms to guard against distractions, etc. (and I feared ridicule). I know I determined to get money and through my work—so we could work—(while seeing to it that I could drop jobs); and started the anxieties and body habits which then... I kept. But Christ, my condition is worse than poverty; so—out it goes. I may be a slow learner but once I DO learn—I do.