“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

I’m caught between writing these notes and continuing with my preface or whatever for James, which is coming along great; but guess this is more important right now. Earlier, AM, my eyes were very full. Moisture-laden; then during the day those odd feelings in my head, mostly right side, continue. Once head felt very full on that side, then the moisture felt as if it were flowing downward; pooling in ear maybe, then down neck—all right side; then as I continue to write and try not to concentrate on all this—a feeling in right leg below knee of blockage for a moment; uncomfortable; I massage it just for a minute; the feeling of moisture then goes into right foot. I work more. Get up—and a note here on my reactions. Go to john, noticing the feeling of ... moisture or easiness is now in both legs so I feel I’m moving all together more; go to fix coffee, hoping I can get out of kitchen before laundry boy arrives; do dishes, and the kid comes. I want to get out of the kitchen—it’s too late; I feel humiliated, having someone see me standing so poorly. Rob sticks his head in doorway, says money is “there”; he’s busy, difficult for me to turn to see where “There” is; he has to say “on cabinet.” Kid tries door; it’s locked; I don’t think I can unlock it and get out of his way quickly enough without asking him to wait for me to move, feel humiliated again, know Rob is busy with the book and why can’t I handle it? By now, Rob lets the boy in. I feel he’s irritated, but I tell myself I chose that condition with its resulting humiliations in the past and now I am choosing to be responsive; to be more alive; and those incidences will soon BE past. Go back to work; then—suddenly move my right foot and it moves up and down quite a bit more—and feel easier and... like that moisture turns to motion. The entire back of the left leg feels that way too, and as I write, it gets even easier. (This includes under knee.)

And—I love you, Rob. Sorry about the laundry bit.

Stopped writing these notes; getting some more good ideas for my preface— but the good feelings in my leg and foot continue; I want to call out to Rob and tell him, but feel constraint; he’s working on Unknown; I’ll disturb him ... and my news won’t be big enough to justify it? Not sure; I feel... really, encouraged, damn near joyful; then why the restraint? Do I think he’ll be annoyed—he might be—my foot feels joyful—quite a change! Do I feel that any exuberance on my part will annoy or threaten Rob? I should know better .... I’ll tell myself the answer will come to me...