“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This session came about quite unexpectedly just before midnight, after we’d had company—the Leahys from the end of Pinnacle Road; Jane had called them at supper time this evening and asked them to visit us. They left at about 11:30 PM. I then told Jane that I’d been feeling poorly all week—to such an extent, even, that I’d wondered if I was developing an ulcer. But my distress was also more general than that, so I felt other things were involved. I’m including a few notes here to remind myself of this session’s context when I reread it in later times.

(We’d achieved some good success with our mutual pendulum suggestions for Jane, twice daily, over the past several weeks. Early this week, however, I began to feel very much out of sorts; I let the pendulum sessions go as far as Jane was concerned. At the same time my own distress physically led me to ask my own pendulum questions. As usual, I discovered that the pendulum is a very reliable tool for me. I also found out, though, that this time the pendulum gave me such a variety of responses —different ones each day, practically—that at first I didn’t know how much stock to put in its answers. For my ill feelings continued. The pendulum told me I was worrying about everything from taking too long in producing The “Unknown” Reality to stewing about spending too much time painting, to worrying about my own seeming lack of income. I also wondered if we were really getting anywhere using it to help Jane. In spite of what we had achieved there, she wasn’t walking better yet, etc.

(However, by late in the week I could see patterns emerging through my use of the pendulum, all concerning related feelings, doubts, etc., and was reassured that I was on the way to uncovering the source of my physical distress. My stomach felt somewhat better; Other pains in my body, while persisting, didn’t concern me so much. At the same time, through it all I could eat what I wanted, drink, etc., and the painting was going very well. I have, in regard to the latter, solved several challenges with painting—from the time we moved to Pinnacle Road—and now feel that I have a clear road there as to how I want to do things into the indefinite future, etc. This in itself has been a great boon; I have good confidence there; many problems have been resolved.

(Then today, Saturday, my pendulum told me that I felt guilty about using painting time when I should be working on Seth’s “Unknown” Reality, since the painting wasn’t bringing in money, etc. This was a subtle but important change in my knowledge—for I saw that I wasn’t so much concerned about the amount of work I had to do on the books, as that I felt guilty about doing other things. When I made this connection I knew I had learned something.

(I told myself that this attitude was ridiculous; My stomach didn’t clear up immediately, but once again the pendulum informed me that I had no physical illness—ulcers, or anything else. I did believe this, as I had all week, but still the physical pressure of my discomfort made me question everything. Nothing was much fun, although I went through the motions of doing everything. I also knew that I’d refuse to continue this way.

(After the Leahys left I spontaneously told Jane what had been going on. To my surprise she offered to have a session on the spot—peculiarly, it hadn’t occurred to me ask her to have a session at any time earlier in the week. I agreed, of course. But I think this came about because I felt I’d already begun to figure things out. After the session I told her that my faith in the pendulum was reinforced; that in my own way I’d have eventually understood what I was up to, but that the session cut through many obscuring byways, etc., and went straight to the core of the problem. I also said that it was easy to see how such problems, left unfaced, could lead to things like ulcers, heart attacks, cancer, etc.—and small wonder that our hospitals were crowded with a flow of miserable humanity. It seemed like a great waste.

(When the session began I began to feel almost nauseous—which is a feeling Jane has had when she deals with personal material. I’d begun to drink a glass of milk, but couldn’t continue. During the first couple of pages of material I was rather close to being physically ill there on the couch. At the same time I knew what was happening, and as the session continued the feeling subsided. When the session was over I was able to eat. Then Jane felt “sick,” as she put it. But this too passed, although she couldn’t eat before we went to bed even though she was hungry.

(I should say here that one of the things the pendulum told me early in the week was that I was concerned because Jane wasn’t having regular sessions any more —that I felt she was missing something important in her life because of this lack. After the session I told her that having a session a week didn’t really interfere with my own routine; etc. She said she understood, so we’ll see what develops here.)

There is nothing physically wrong with you, and yet you have been feeling distress. You have been experiencing this disquiet just as Ruburt has begun to show some steady signs of improvement. To some extent Ruburt’s symptoms served to keep the unsafe world at bay; while this was his private construction, you also took advantage of it, in that at least it served certain purposes.

You have within your grasp the understanding to clear all these issues, but you have come to a point in your life where you cannot equivocate. You see about you the results of such compromise, and each of you have always been determined to entirely work though the belief systems of your era. While others can tell themselves stories, or be content with rationalizations, neither of you could take that road. In an important respect, therefore, your own disquiet has been creative, for it was meant to make you question.

(All of this material was delivered quite forcefully.)

Each of you built up your own set of defenses, because you did not believe that the universe was safe for creativity. Ruburt fixed it so that he could only sit at his desk—and for all your protests, my dear friend, you acquiesced. He finally became so physically upset that he is ready to dismiss the symptoms. But he also needed your help, because while the main method was his, your intents were in unison and the same—to protect yourselves and your creativity from an unsafe universe. The unsafe quality showed two faces. One: you had to cut out distractions. And two: one of you had to make money with your art or you would not survive. Between the two of you, you made your decisions.