“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Those rules are extremely important to others. You did not, for example, fall in with the Monroes. He considered that a slight.

You have little patience, jointly, with that kind of world. The Hollywood director (Alan Neuman) who called, for example. Ruburt was warm, curious, and solitary. He did not reinforce the director’s sense of his own importance, and the man was used to that. Nor did he speak in the honeyed spiritual tones that the man expected from the psychics he dealt with.

There are publishing games also, and you do not play these. If you play those games and do poorly, you at least have a right to shout “foul” now and then—and I will tell you something: Prentice looks out for your interests in the person of John (Nelson) far more than you give him credit for. He likes you.

Ruburt is verbal. He loves to talk. He likes to hear you talk. Oftentimes your stomach upsets you because your love for Ruburt makes you concerned, and in most instances the stimulus is money. An occasion will arise, or a period of time, in which your love for him wants to find expression. You do this by expressing your concern that his work is not being duly appreciated in monetary terms (as I did this evening).

You might feel he is being taken advantage of. You do not say “I love you. I admire your work so that I want to see it duly appreciated.” Verbally oriented, Ruburt hears only an implied order, or criticism. The conflict with the stomach always involves money, however—taxes sometimes, for example—and implies a period or situation in which you think he is being taken advantage of.

This is because those expressions were natural in your family. Love would never be clearly expressed through a clear channel. It might be expressed through action that did not, however, directly involve love’s expression. Your father might make things for you, for example. But after your childhood state he avoided caresses or verbal expressions.

(10:43.) Your stance with the world is involved. Behind it all, however, is the feeling that you do not express your love verbally, or through touch, to Ruburt, so that instead you look out for ways that feel he is being taken advantage of; and through that concern, you express your love. He does not understand this.

Intellectually he accepts it, but emotionally he yearns for that direct expression. The child may think “My teeth are fine, why yell at me to brush them?” Ruburt thinks “What is there that allows you to speak your concern more actively than your love?” He is verbally oriented. Words have rhythm—emotional rhythms, to which he is acutely attuned. You are saying “I love you. My art is, for whatever reasons, private. I respect it. It involves a method of expression, and a primary stance of my life, regardless of what it brings or does not bring. I am sorry that somehow I cannot use it in the way that you use your writing, and even in the way that I can use mine. When I think that others take advantage of you in monetary terms—government, publisher, or public—it makes me wonder why. I wish that my painting could bring you abundance in social ways also. I feel guilty sometimes when I paint for that reason. I know that you understand on deep levels. I wish I could express my love verbally, but if not, I will express it is this fashion.”

You identified fairly strongly with your father as a boy. He seldom expressed love verbally toward your mother. He felt that the worst would happen in any given set of circumstances. You long believed emotionally that it was unrealistic to express love or hope, for circumstances would surely prove such expectations to be foolish.

Your father expected the worst of the world. You have not seriously, with determination, examined those beliefs. If they were true the world simply would not have lasted this long. Nuclear destruction has little to do with it. If anything, it adds to my argument—for if those theories really held sway, one nation or another by now would have already destroyed your world. Hence, you do not make any simple, joyful remarks, like “The book will be out in England or Germany,” and indeed, you take little pleasure from that, but leap ahead to the imagined threats. A man protects his family because he loves it—but in his love he can see threats all around.

(11:21.) Ruburt responds to people, however, more than you. Your feelings about the world—to some extent—are mental and hypothetical. You isolate yourself from people in a way that he does not. Since he is more emotionally outgoing and literal-minded, he cannot close himself off emotionally in that regard. In a way, he is not using discrimination. You use an emotional aloofness with the world, and he has become physically aloof instead.

Part of this does have to do with beliefs concerning sex (as Jane wrote recently), in that he feels a woman’s position is basically less solid than the male’s to begin with. He was afraid that his ideas would be ridiculed because he was a woman, not having the credentials of the accepted academy or sex.

He reacts practically, then, by avoiding what he thinks of as conflict, and you do not help in that regard, for by temperament you are not particularly attracted to the world. He feels he is so attracted, temperamentally, and so puts on physical guards. The bridge here involves the natural world, his love of nature, the connections between poetry, strolling the natural world as opposed to the social one.

(11:30.) Give us a moment.... He, however, needs by nature more contact with other people than you do. He has learned to repress feelings, and he believed heartily that repression was necessary to his work, to maintain your privacy, to provide time, to cut out distractions, and to focus attention and expression.

He felt that the female was not temperamentally equipped to naturally handle such problems, and so adopted the symptoms. Because you so often expressed your concerns rather than your love, your fears rather than your hopes, and because of his own nature, the outside world appeared more threatening. He is by nature rather optimistic. From you he believed he learned that optimism was shallow, unrealistic, and that people were not to be trusted. He never believed in conflict. He is not abject, but he believes heartily in having nothing to do with an arena of activity in which he feels he might meet ridicule or criticism.

He became extremely frightened when he went to the dentist (last month, 6 weeks), and when you again expressed your concern, but not your love: “I’m afraid you’ve had it,” you said. He was of course afraid of the same thing. But he interpreted your remark verbally as you made it, knowing you love him, but having to search through the concern.

(11:45.) Ruburt’s own papers, written lately, give his side of the question, explaining why he would react in such a fashion.

He thinks he is being practical when he worries about his condition. You think jointly it is only common sense and practical, particularly after all of this time, to remember that any improvements have dead-ended. You think that in terms of his physical condition the point of power is in the past. Despite all of this, the overall processes of his body have improved. His flesh is more responsive and alive. The circulation is vastly better. His weight—for him—is almost normal.

Give us a moment.... For him, quickly now, again the eyes are all right. He applied tension to the head and neck area primarily, causing the difficulty with the teeth and so forth. The body was used like a shield. To some extent the exterior skin thickened, the muscles became fairly rigid, and the joints therefore constrained. The body has been softening, giving him a feeling of vulnerability, you see.

The muscles of the neck have been lengthening, and the head area has been releasing. Generally speaking, his eyes have been restricted in the past by the head motions. As the neck muscles began to loosen, the eyes were required to move in ways they had not been for some time. The muscles were stiff in the eyes. Unequal tensions resulted—this also having to do with his beliefs as stated, and the fact that he did not want to type old material, particularly without new material coming.

(12:01.) His worry about his condition added additional tension. The working men (for Frank Longwell) made him feel as if the world intruded, and by its standards he felt to some extent exposed. Here were the two of you, doing what in the world’s eyes he felt was in direct opposition to its standards—the brawny, outdoorsy, hearty, family oriented males involved.

You did well today, encouraging him in his house walking. Your original “walk for joy” was an “absolute” by contrast making his attempts seem futile. He is afraid that dependence as a woman threatens you because of his own beliefs. Your encouragement of his independence was interpreted as “Don’t dare be dependent.”

All of this is involved in the papers he wrote lately on sexuality. His body is quite capable. It needs encouragement, not demands—but above all, let him concentrate upon expression rather than repression. Only his worries held back this inspiration. You will see improvements the minute you expect them. The minute you look for them, and are not afraid of them.

So will seeing small groups of people now and then, where Ruburt can have a session if he feels like it.