“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This morning while working on the tax questionnaire for the CPA who handles our affairs, I had cramps in my back and stomach. They came on while I was talking about money with Jane. I’d asked her recently if Seth could say something about my too frequent upsets with my stomach and side, anyhow. The deleted material on my stomach which I’d received on February 2, 1976 had already helped resolve my hassles about using old family photos in “Unknown” Reality.)

Now: as Ruburt often imagined the worst possibility, and thought that he was being practical in doing so, in terms of his physical condition, gums and all, so you do the same thing in these given areas.

This applies also to the taxes, for in the back of your mind you also think of the good sane uses, the ideal in usage, to which such money could be given. The conflict causes tensions. The same applies to your feelings, until very lately, concerning your mother and the photographs. Here you had your feelings that photographs of the family would disclose a practical actuality far less than, for example, your mother’s ideal image of herself. You feared that in life she was always wounded by photographs because they showed her to be so far less than she wanted herself to be or appear.

Your joint ideas of the ideal, its expression, and feared closure, was in the past also largely responsible for your joint embarrassment over Ruburt’s physical condition, your joint shame over his appearance.

He was indeed expressing the ideal of his life to a far greater degree than most, but in those areas, where its expression lagged, the contrast seemed so varied in your joint eyes as to make the ideal seem a lie by contrast. If others had the same attitudes toward someone in the same kind of difficulty, you would straighten them out at once.

His mental patterns have undergone obvious, very important alterations. His condition was his individual reaction to general mass beliefs of a negative nature. You see those results in all the individuals you know. False teeth, eyeglasses, sacrificed organs or whatever, poverty, poor relationships. Some people are blighted to some degree in all areas of their lives.

When Ruburt as an individual sought to heal himself, and at the same time sought to divest himself of traditional methods of healing, such as doctors and so forth, he embarked upon a journey through his own beliefs—but also through the beliefs of your own culture. He is coming out on the other side. Again, your discussion about the dentist was vital to him, because he finally understood his attitudes—not only in that area but others; and in those areas, no matter what he told himself, he was afraid that the worst was really happening, or would happen.

He really feared that in actuality he needed gum surgery, and at rock bottom he feared that that was a reality—against which he must fight.