“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

With the book you are in torment as you contemplate the difference between what seems to be the ideal, and its feared actuality. It literally seems more practical and realistic to you that Prentice will somehow ruin the book, than it does to suppose that they will in any way help in bringing about the ideal.

When you let yourself go, your “natural” feelings lead you to fear that they will mutilate photographs, or in some way cheapen the book, dragging it down from the ideal. You have not really gotten it through your head that such thoughts do not represent practical reality, but impractical reality. But the main problem is the dilemma caused by the difference between the ideal and a feared, opposing actuality.

This applies also to the taxes, for in the back of your mind you also think of the good sane uses, the ideal in usage, to which such money could be given. The conflict causes tensions. The same applies to your feelings, until very lately, concerning your mother and the photographs. Here you had your feelings that photographs of the family would disclose a practical actuality far less than, for example, your mother’s ideal image of herself. You feared that in life she was always wounded by photographs because they showed her to be so far less than she wanted herself to be or appear.

(11:00.) You cannot inhibit such expression out of fear, without experiencing tensions. As you become accustomed to the idea of “reckless” expression of the ideal, then it is free to find “more perfect” expression. It clears its own roads.

Your joint ideas of the ideal, its expression, and feared closure, was in the past also largely responsible for your joint embarrassment over Ruburt’s physical condition, your joint shame over his appearance.

He really feared that in actuality he needed gum surgery, and at rock bottom he feared that that was a reality—against which he must fight.