“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You doubted that your own good work would bring any financial success at all, while you believed that commercial work would; but you do not like commercial work. Somewhat like George (Rhoads), you believed that your best work would not be appreciated. It would not sell, while “inferior” work, by contrast, would.

You felt you must make money, and so a conflict developed. Ruburt’s beliefs on his own, concerning his writing and money, carried the ball despite his worrying tendencies. You believed that his best work would bring money too, and so you had no conflicting beliefs about money in that regard.

You believe you can make money. A simple declarative belief, but it is qualified. You believe you can make money—if you are a commercial artist, or if you take a job, or if you do almost anything else but your best work as an artist. You believe you are a good artist—a simple declarative belief. Between the two beliefs however there is some conflict, since you believe you also need money for your self-respect, but that you cannot get it by being an artist, which you feel is your focus of identity, and highly concerned with self-respect.

(10:00.) Give us a moment.... Some long time ago your own belief that good work could not be financially relied upon put up enough of a barrier so that Ruburt became frightened about his own work (a fact I have long suspected, and recently discussed with Jane), and set up a physical situation that would force him to stay home, literally, work, and prevent him from trying any longer those other avenues that you were still adopting. (Jobs, etc.)

The symptoms also cut down distractions to insure that he did work while at home. He was trying to show you that it could be done. Unfortunately in some respects certainly he went overboard, so that the symptoms served to cut out anything he felt might be threatening to his work and to your situation.

A child might result in your working out full time, in which case you would never, he felt, develop as an artist. Social contacts were kept at a minimum. The isolation he felt you needed would be given you. At the same time his own abilities would be concentrated upon also. It was a do-or-die effort on his part. Once embarked, there was to be no turning back, until finally his own work and your reactions began to hint of difficulties, and his own body reflected them. He tried to keep you from family connections and complications for what he thought was your own good.

All of this was based upon your much earlier beliefs that life was short and that all of your energies must be put into your work. This was literally interpreted, and all other impulses systematically denied until, say, a shopping endeavor like today’s must be first thought out as good or bad. Earlier, spending money on anything not strictly necessary was bad, because it might detract from money needed to allow you to work. Money used meant that you might have to look for work again and not be able to develop your abilities.

There is a correlation between his literal-mindedness and your attention to detail, and if you look at it that way it will make more sense to you. Your work together with my book will be of great private and joint benefit; and continue with your lists on beliefs. Take your break.

Now: because of your background you also feel that there is something slightly shameful about going abroad in the day, when a man should be taken up with dutiful work. Your mother was ashamed of your father’s being home, for example. You used to comment to Ruburt about all the people on the streets in working hours. He picked that idea up from you. Your own list of beliefs should be quite illuminating as you continue it. But the real realizations will come as the exercises and their personal comprehension merge with what is written in my book.

The very fact that you work together at the book brings your private and joint beliefs together for examination. Ruburt’s improvements will begin anew as he now feels safe within his environment; but also as he feels safe to improve that environment.

In this period just passed Ruburt encountered your family in a crisis situation, opened to influences previously denied in terms of some brief traveling and dining out and spending money, while considering the very large expenditure for the house, and at the same time not working regularly or having my sessions.

The beliefs cause the effects—most important—and you must each follow me here: for the following week continue with my book as given, but concentrate upon your work, each of you, your daily joys. Above all do not concentrate upon the problem, and in your minds to whatever extent possible, minimize it.