“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You felt you must make money, and so a conflict developed. Ruburt’s beliefs on his own, concerning his writing and money, carried the ball despite his worrying tendencies. You believed that his best work would bring money too, and so you had no conflicting beliefs about money in that regard.

A child might result in your working out full time, in which case you would never, he felt, develop as an artist. Social contacts were kept at a minimum. The isolation he felt you needed would be given you. At the same time his own abilities would be concentrated upon also. It was a do-or-die effort on his part. Once embarked, there was to be no turning back, until finally his own work and your reactions began to hint of difficulties, and his own body reflected them. He tried to keep you from family connections and complications for what he thought was your own good.

All of this was based upon your much earlier beliefs that life was short and that all of your energies must be put into your work. This was literally interpreted, and all other impulses systematically denied until, say, a shopping endeavor like today’s must be first thought out as good or bad. Earlier, spending money on anything not strictly necessary was bad, because it might detract from money needed to allow you to work. Money used meant that you might have to look for work again and not be able to develop your abilities.