“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In order to fear the opinions of others, however, particularly the opinion of those in authority, you must first to some extent respect those in authority, and hold some faith in their ideas. You are taught to respect such authorities, and as mentioned earlier, while Ruburt defied authority as a child he was still dependent upon authority’s welfare.

None of this ever had to do with Ruburt privately, but with Ruburt and his contact with the world. None of our sessions, or his own natural development would ever bother him. The question was how these could be related to the world, how people would interpret or misinterpret, or how he would be regarded—for he took it for granted that anyone offering revolutionary ideas would be punished or ostracized.

Until lately he idealized authority on the one hand, and was frightened of it on the other. Only when he realized that there was no authority in those terms could he begin to let down his guard.

Now because of these feelings he was afraid of setting himself up as a new authority for people to follow blindly. This problem also vanishes when he realizes, as he does, that there literally are no authorities. There are only people.

Each of you felt, however, that there was great value in being anonymous, yet you put yourselves in a position where you could not be. You tell Ruburt to keep it a secret from Leonard that your rent was raised, or you might move—good God!—while your most intimate personal beliefs and inspirations are given to the world. The idea however has been, the more secret you were, each of you, the better off you were, while at the same time your individual and joint creativity would be known. But the habits of secrecy continued, and there is no reason for secrecy but fear.

You had each thought, however, that there was something extremely uncomfortable about the truly creative person in society, that he or she had to protect himself or herself, and the symptoms have been Ruburt’s way of protecting himself—yet also his way of saying, “I am different. Do not fear me, look at me. I am obviously flawed, so you cannot attack me.” So he feigns illness. When the opinions of others are no longer so valued, there is no need for such protection, such playing dead.

There is a house listed, or there was, with a separate apartment. If you can, look into that. It may be gone. If you pursue the Elmira Heights location, then think of the basement rooms as separate. You need the feeling of a portion of your home open for classes, or guests, while a separate portion is private. Otherwise you will not be content.

He feels that 45, for him, is a significant age, and so it is, for there he picks up some strands of knowledge that he had, but was not free enough to use, earlier. And as I recall, the same occurred to you at that age, Joseph. The important thing however is that the body is responding.