“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(After supper Jane and I went over a long list of reasons—beliefs—she had compiled today about the reasons for her symptoms. I thought the list contained accurate perceptions, the best she has done. Jane made the list because of some things I had said in recent days—that the same reasons for her symptoms were still operating, in spite of all the deleted sessions we’d had, in spite of all the suggestions, etc. Many items on the list seemed self-evident. By session time I didn’t know whether Seth would blast us or praise us.)

There are satisfactions enjoyed by each of you, therefore, that would be like revelations of the most shattering kind to some others still in your space-time category.

When new “threats” arose, Ruburt reverted to the old pattern. (The new threats being the death of my mother; our freedom to travel, now that we have finished Personal Reality; the absence from home and the interruption of routine, etc., as we talked about tonight.) Reading our book however kept some improvements alive, and it was but a matter of time before he would read again the sessions of work that I gave him (as Jane did today). The beliefs for a while fell back into invisibility because he wanted them to, of course. Those particular sessions are highly important.

He was afraid that the body spontaneity would lead him away from mental and psychic agility. Since you are physical creatures the messages of the soul must be translated through the flesh, and to impede the flesh is to dim those communications. He has had to use far more energy to get those messages than is necessary, because he has impeded some of the sections through which information flows. He has cut down on some stimuli, and therefore slowed neurological messages.

While Ruburt felt he was doing the right thing, he would put up with almost any inconvenience, or make almost any sacrifice. He must understand that no sacrifice is ever required.

(A quick, and probably partial answer: I do not know how much I may have counted upon Jane’s symptoms in the past to furnish a private world in which I could work. If I ever felt this way it was quite hidden from myself. I do think that the point of no return there was passed some time ago—several years, in fact. Now I think that any such benefits as isolation cannot compare with the price paid to achieve such a state. How could watching my wife hobble along possibly be considered a fair price to pay for privacy? The time spent in performing such simple chores as limping down the stairs and out to the car, for example, is far more on a daily basis than any that would be spent chatting with a neighbor, or even visiting, etc. And above all, the symptoms are not worth it to achieve isolation, for ironically the resultant time to work has lost the one ingredient that is important above all: peace of mind in which to carry out the appointed tasks.)

(Nothing. As I told Jane this evening after reading her list with her: No one, myself included, would have any right to expect another to pay a price such as her symptoms so that the other party would get anything out of the deal whatsoever. My point was that if she perpetuated her symptoms because of any reasons involving me, that she should instantly dispense with all of those reasons. Others should be left to their own devices in life, etc., etc....)

We know what he still gets out of them. You form your private and joint realities. If Ruburt knew that you were receiving no benefits, but only torment, from his symptoms, then he would give them up on the spot, because of his great loyalty to you, and because he would understand that he was hurting you beyond any benefits he gave.

This is not to place his condition in your hands at all, but to point out that each of you still find benefits therein. Or the joint reality would not exist as it is.

Ruburt’s symptoms help provide the isolation. His continuing love provides however the climate, the steady reassuring climate, the only climate in which you dare to taste that isolation. He fears his spontaneity directed toward you sexually and emotionally would threaten you. So do you. You equate emotionalism with your mother. Ruburt equates spontaneity with emotionalism, therefore he imagines that his spontaneity will threaten your art.

(All of this has to be turned to finding different methods quickly and an examination of the original theses, and the need for discipline to begin with. What did I give up to get what I’ve got? Do I really want to keep it up and how can I keep good results and get rid of method? Do I really want to end up as an invalid with R. devoting time to me and anything left over to his work, what would this get either of us?

4. Can’t count on Rob to do much financially, would think it self-betrayal on his part to get a job, and he always complained at Artistic. I felt he had to have his chance and was confident I could swing the financial end without buying a house, etc., anyhow.

5. Symptoms keep me at my work, can’t do much else; they stop me from frittering away my time, provide built-in discipline that makes up for other people’s work hours. Like we don’t get up early when we don’t have to; if I didn’t have to stay in and work, would I?