“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

It must be seen in its entirety. It takes for granted abilities that are extraordinary, abilities that are not enjoyed by most. The purpose, a good one, was to protect and develop them in the circumstances in which Ruburt found himself, and in line with his other ideas about the nature of reality.

When new “threats” arose, Ruburt reverted to the old pattern. (The new threats being the death of my mother; our freedom to travel, now that we have finished Personal Reality; the absence from home and the interruption of routine, etc., as we talked about tonight.) Reading our book however kept some improvements alive, and it was but a matter of time before he would read again the sessions of work that I gave him (as Jane did today). The beliefs for a while fell back into invisibility because he wanted them to, of course. Those particular sessions are highly important.

Now. Let’s return to the basis: the dedication to “work.” This in itself is good, but his idea of “work” was what limited him, and what is still limiting him. His life is his “work.” This includes his particular, unique, extraordinary abilities; but these spring out of his life, and even out of his relationship with you.

Now: for you this question: what do you still get out of Ruburt’s symptoms?

We know what he still gets out of them. You form your private and joint realities. If Ruburt knew that you were receiving no benefits, but only torment, from his symptoms, then he would give them up on the spot, because of his great loyalty to you, and because he would understand that he was hurting you beyond any benefits he gave.

(I believe this point was reached long ago. Jane, I’m waiting. What could I possibly be getting out of this deal that’s worth the price? As I’ve said several times lately, I think that it is only very recently that Jane has begun to appreciate my reactions to her condition; that she has even realized that I have a position about them. This in spite of my certainty that my own behavior in earlier years most certainly helped bring the symptoms about. Watching her, I felt for years that she and her symptoms proceeded on their own way quite oblivious to my reactions. I seemed to be an observer, not really taken into account.

This is not to place his condition in your hands at all, but to point out that each of you still find benefits therein. Or the joint reality would not exist as it is.

All of this involves conscious beliefs, some that you have not officially recognized. I know that your hands must be tired but I want to get this clearly stated. What purposes are Ruburt’s symptoms serving for you? In other words, what joint purpose are those symptoms serving?

Those purposes involve each of you and your work, and those methods that you think are necessary to direct your energies “properly,” husband your energy, and protect you from what you think of as a hostile world. You are as afraid of your energies as Ruburt is. He is afraid of not directing them into his “work.” He is convinced that he must protect you and himself from any spontaneity not reflected in work, and from the world.

You are afraid of releasing your energy into your work, for fear it will carry you beyond all ordinary relationships—simply because your father’s creativity seemed to cut him off from his wife and sons, and to lead to isolation. Creative success, not necessarily in terms of money, but creative fulfillment, becomes then a threat in which you see yourself cut off and isolated—while isolation is precisely what you think you must have to fulfill your abilities.

You are not clear here.... This is enough for this evening but Ruburt has been afraid that his energy, spontaneously released, could threaten both of your prized abilities. This is not, again, to place his condition at your doorstep by any means. It is to show you that you have a private and a joint reality, and that your purposes merge, and so do your beliefs.

(10:42 PM. As stated on page 11, my position is that Jane should dispense with her symptoms, as far as my behalf is concerned, no matter what the reasons might be on my part. And as far as I’m concerned that attitude applies to her own reasons too....

(Or when I HAVE decided to get better and improve, I’d change my mind at any “danger”; or I’d get better awhile to make Rob feel better when I think he’d rather just have a normal wife. [But he could have chosen somebody else and he chose me because I had these ideas about work, wouldn’t threaten him with kids, make him get a regular job, keep us focused, etc. What other wife could do that? Stupid.] Apparently I feel that’s why he married me, and what we had in common.

(Or when I love Rob so much and I’m afraid that I’m robbing him by knocking out qualities in me that he loved and that I can’t get them back or be lovely again [despite what I wrote above].

(All of this has to be turned to finding different methods quickly and an examination of the original theses, and the need for discipline to begin with. What did I give up to get what I’ve got? Do I really want to keep it up and how can I keep good results and get rid of method? Do I really want to end up as an invalid with R. devoting time to me and anything left over to his work, what would this get either of us?

7. With the symptoms Rob does lots of chores I think he wouldn’t do otherwise, freeing me to work? Keeps me from wasting my time with housework; think it’s degrading for R. as a male to do chores so much so the symptoms give us both an excuse; also gives him an excuse for not knowing for sure what he wants to do, paint or whatever, he can blame it on lack of concentration because of me.