“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(After supper Jane and I went over a long list of reasons—beliefs—she had compiled today about the reasons for her symptoms. I thought the list contained accurate perceptions, the best she has done. Jane made the list because of some things I had said in recent days—that the same reasons for her symptoms were still operating, in spite of all the deleted sessions we’d had, in spite of all the suggestions, etc. Many items on the list seemed self-evident. By session time I didn’t know whether Seth would blast us or praise us.)

The idea of—not perfection, now, but excellence—is presented to consciousness in many ways and in many guises, and the ideal of excellence serves as an impetus for consciousness, an excellence of pattern. The pattern is used as a standard by the individual consciousness. Members of your species are at various stages, and if you ignore stereotypes, historical connotations, then you can see traces of all of the areas of man’s so-called past development now in the present, and also examples of future development. Because of your time concepts and beliefs, the examples from the future even in this exercise will not appear as clearly as those of the past.

There are satisfactions enjoyed by each of you, therefore, that would be like revelations of the most shattering kind to some others still in your space-time category.

When new “threats” arose, Ruburt reverted to the old pattern. (The new threats being the death of my mother; our freedom to travel, now that we have finished Personal Reality; the absence from home and the interruption of routine, etc., as we talked about tonight.) Reading our book however kept some improvements alive, and it was but a matter of time before he would read again the sessions of work that I gave him (as Jane did today). The beliefs for a while fell back into invisibility because he wanted them to, of course. Those particular sessions are highly important.

He has trained his mind to respond with amazing facility to the moods and messages of the soul. Physically this meant in previous times that the body was fast, responding instantaneously almost to nuances of feeling that were then translated into both physical mobility and mental and psychic leaps of intuition that arose therefrom.

The individual feels the presence of great energy, and is unsure as to how to use it. Picasso let it go freely. Ruburt wonders how much wasted energy went into Picasso’s antics—that should have gone into his work. Van Gogh and Cézanne were afraid of their energy, and with all they did could have done far more. Picasso’s free flow of energy in all areas freed energy for his work, and did not detract from it. He kept his channels to energy open, therefore the energy flowed through his work freely, and in a short period of time he could produce a painting that might take years for another as gifted to produce, who husbanded his talent as a miser.

(A quick, and probably partial answer: I do not know how much I may have counted upon Jane’s symptoms in the past to furnish a private world in which I could work. If I ever felt this way it was quite hidden from myself. I do think that the point of no return there was passed some time ago—several years, in fact. Now I think that any such benefits as isolation cannot compare with the price paid to achieve such a state. How could watching my wife hobble along possibly be considered a fair price to pay for privacy? The time spent in performing such simple chores as limping down the stairs and out to the car, for example, is far more on a daily basis than any that would be spent chatting with a neighbor, or even visiting, etc. And above all, the symptoms are not worth it to achieve isolation, for ironically the resultant time to work has lost the one ingredient that is important above all: peace of mind in which to carry out the appointed tasks.)

(Again: any time spent sexually during the day cannot compare with the amount of time spent, on a daily basis, in worry, concern, frustration, fear, anger, etc.)

(I believe this point was reached long ago. Jane, I’m waiting. What could I possibly be getting out of this deal that’s worth the price? As I’ve said several times lately, I think that it is only very recently that Jane has begun to appreciate my reactions to her condition; that she has even realized that I have a position about them. This in spite of my certainty that my own behavior in earlier years most certainly helped bring the symptoms about. Watching her, I felt for years that she and her symptoms proceeded on their own way quite oblivious to my reactions. I seemed to be an observer, not really taken into account.

(Or when I have to take writing time to figure this stuff out—

(Like if I have to make a choice to be like others, I’d waste time like they do, fritter away energies etc., let go. We haven’t even got discipline to get up at a decent hour much less work as we should.

(All of this has to be turned to finding different methods quickly and an examination of the original theses, and the need for discipline to begin with. What did I give up to get what I’ve got? Do I really want to keep it up and how can I keep good results and get rid of method? Do I really want to end up as an invalid with R. devoting time to me and anything left over to his work, what would this get either of us?

1. I still feel guilty doing creative stuff like poetry in work time when it might not sell. How about part of day working on whatever book I’m doing and part on poetry?

2. Our survival in this society exists in financial terms—money buys us the time etc. Must be I don’t feel my condition physically threatens me though God knows I should.

5. Symptoms keep me at my work, can’t do much else; they stop me from frittering away my time, provide built-in discipline that makes up for other people’s work hours. Like we don’t get up early when we don’t have to; if I didn’t have to stay in and work, would I?

7. With the symptoms Rob does lots of chores I think he wouldn’t do otherwise, freeing me to work? Keeps me from wasting my time with housework; think it’s degrading for R. as a male to do chores so much so the symptoms give us both an excuse; also gives him an excuse for not knowing for sure what he wants to do, paint or whatever, he can blame it on lack of concentration because of me.

10. At same time I think you should go out each day, exercise, see people, do other things for balance, but this is later stuff? and really just want to write and distrust those impulses. And when I feel them, they’re charged.

11. I think all this is for Rob’s good as much as mine despite my fears and his fears for me. One thing I can give him; buy time for him to do whatever he wants, be free of family and money problems, if he worries about me he isn’t going to feel responsible to get a job and my symptoms give him an excuse not to socially (old ideas) and the symptoms cut down on my flamboyance which has class to express itself in. It’s kept in work where it can’t threaten our framework.)