“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(A quick, and probably partial answer: I do not know how much I may have counted upon Jane’s symptoms in the past to furnish a private world in which I could work. If I ever felt this way it was quite hidden from myself. I do think that the point of no return there was passed some time ago—several years, in fact. Now I think that any such benefits as isolation cannot compare with the price paid to achieve such a state. How could watching my wife hobble along possibly be considered a fair price to pay for privacy? The time spent in performing such simple chores as limping down the stairs and out to the car, for example, is far more on a daily basis than any that would be spent chatting with a neighbor, or even visiting, etc. And above all, the symptoms are not worth it to achieve isolation, for ironically the resultant time to work has lost the one ingredient that is important above all: peace of mind in which to carry out the appointed tasks.)

(Nothing. As I told Jane this evening after reading her list with her: No one, myself included, would have any right to expect another to pay a price such as her symptoms so that the other party would get anything out of the deal whatsoever. My point was that if she perpetuated her symptoms because of any reasons involving me, that she should instantly dispense with all of those reasons. Others should be left to their own devices in life, etc., etc....)

(I believe this point was reached long ago. Jane, I’m waiting. What could I possibly be getting out of this deal that’s worth the price? As I’ve said several times lately, I think that it is only very recently that Jane has begun to appreciate my reactions to her condition; that she has even realized that I have a position about them. This in spite of my certainty that my own behavior in earlier years most certainly helped bring the symptoms about. Watching her, I felt for years that she and her symptoms proceeded on their own way quite oblivious to my reactions. I seemed to be an observer, not really taken into account.

9. Yet R.’s work as painter may be greater than either of us know, so on the other hand I feel he should hang onto them, rather than scatter his work, put them in one large room—bedroom?—to show them off well and sell them at high prices; he doesn’t sell many now anyhow and his prices may reflect his ideas of art value in society. Is there a correlation between my conflict between poetry and book contracted for, and Rob’s attitude toward art and money?