“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Before we get down to Ruburt’s particulars, consider the fact that you are presently a part of a species that is specializing in the development of various kinds of consciousness, embarked upon an adventure that sees consciousness not only trying out new directions, from your perspective, but also trying to “perfect” and advance particular attributes.

The idea of—not perfection, now, but excellence—is presented to consciousness in many ways and in many guises, and the ideal of excellence serves as an impetus for consciousness, an excellence of pattern. The pattern is used as a standard by the individual consciousness. Members of your species are at various stages, and if you ignore stereotypes, historical connotations, then you can see traces of all of the areas of man’s so-called past development now in the present, and also examples of future development. Because of your time concepts and beliefs, the examples from the future even in this exercise will not appear as clearly as those of the past.

When new “threats” arose, Ruburt reverted to the old pattern. (The new threats being the death of my mother; our freedom to travel, now that we have finished Personal Reality; the absence from home and the interruption of routine, etc., as we talked about tonight.) Reading our book however kept some improvements alive, and it was but a matter of time before he would read again the sessions of work that I gave him (as Jane did today). The beliefs for a while fell back into invisibility because he wanted them to, of course. Those particular sessions are highly important.

Now. Let’s return to the basis: the dedication to “work.” This in itself is good, but his idea of “work” was what limited him, and what is still limiting him. His life is his “work.” This includes his particular, unique, extraordinary abilities; but these spring out of his life, and even out of his relationship with you.

We know what he still gets out of them. You form your private and joint realities. If Ruburt knew that you were receiving no benefits, but only torment, from his symptoms, then he would give them up on the spot, because of his great loyalty to you, and because he would understand that he was hurting you beyond any benefits he gave.

(When these private sessions first began in earnest perhaps a few months or a year ago, this was one of the first questions I asked. Seth very nicely said that Jane did take my feelings into considerations; but I never thought the answers were very satisfactory, and without checking the record I do not remember any benefits flowing from the session.)

This is not to place his condition in your hands at all, but to point out that each of you still find benefits therein. Or the joint reality would not exist as it is.

All of this involves conscious beliefs, some that you have not officially recognized. I know that your hands must be tired but I want to get this clearly stated. What purposes are Ruburt’s symptoms serving for you? In other words, what joint purpose are those symptoms serving?

You are afraid of releasing your energy into your work, for fear it will carry you beyond all ordinary relationships—simply because your father’s creativity seemed to cut him off from his wife and sons, and to lead to isolation. Creative success, not necessarily in terms of money, but creative fulfillment, becomes then a threat in which you see yourself cut off and isolated—while isolation is precisely what you think you must have to fulfill your abilities.

You are not clear here.... This is enough for this evening but Ruburt has been afraid that his energy, spontaneously released, could threaten both of your prized abilities. This is not, again, to place his condition at your doorstep by any means. It is to show you that you have a private and a joint reality, and that your purposes merge, and so do your beliefs.

(An added note: I now also realize that my not having an outside job helps Jane perpetuate her symptoms—the idea of “protecting” me against the world, etc. —see page 12. I’m very afraid now that my not “working” signifies my tacit approval, to her, of her course of action. I may have to get outside work to break this pattern—for break it I must, if only for the sake of my own feelings and reactions. I may even go so far as to sell paintings—but something will be done.

([December 17, Monday 1973. Jane:] Part of me feels that the symptoms are an acceptable even ingenious way of seeing that distractions are cut to a minimum; to focus my abilities, like a kid getting a cold to stay in, but more sophisticated, cuts through the necessity for explanations, etc. I think that the symptoms have been a means, and less drastic than some taken by others like Van Gogh for instance [though Picasso just let it all hang out]. Extraordinary talent takes extraordinary discipline, and the symptoms can be used against any distraction.

(Or when I HAVE decided to get better and improve, I’d change my mind at any “danger”; or I’d get better awhile to make Rob feel better when I think he’d rather just have a normal wife. [But he could have chosen somebody else and he chose me because I had these ideas about work, wouldn’t threaten him with kids, make him get a regular job, keep us focused, etc. What other wife could do that? Stupid.] Apparently I feel that’s why he married me, and what we had in common.

10. At same time I think you should go out each day, exercise, see people, do other things for balance, but this is later stuff? and really just want to write and distrust those impulses. And when I feel them, they’re charged.