“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

When you were a boy and went off by yourself to draw, your mother often acted rejected. She was pleased—with your talent, per se, but she was jealous of you. At times you felt as a child that painting, or rather drawing, hurt her, and that also she might retaliate by withholding her support in other areas. You also used the drawing and your talent to some degree as a method of exerting your own independence from her oftentimes smothering love. You were told in so many words that it was selfish of you to spend so much time by yourself, for often even when you were with Loren (my younger brother), for example, you carried a circle of your own intent about you.

In your position, then, Friday night could be a time when your friends know you are available, free, and looking forward to sociability. You would be if the rest of the week were cleared—and it would be cleared if you realized that what was involved was simply a matter of your own quite natural working habits and convenience, and made it clear that people were welcome at another time.

Your time will now shortly be your own. You must manage it with conscious decisions, even if you go on trial basis with different methods, working toward what suits you best. It is not the method you latch upon that is important, but that you insist upon making conscious decisions, and taking conscious control of your time. In the past you felt and believed that this was not possible, and so your attempts failed, largely because you were afraid—overly afraid —of hurting other peoples’ feelings, and somewhat afraid that your desire for solitude would cut you off too much from others.

My suggestions in that area, as per Fridays, were simply meant as an example. I was not suggesting each Friday, but some time set aside for sociality, not simply with the Gallaghers. You will not hurt their feelings either. See them twice a month. It does not matter whether you work all night, or so many hours a day, as long as you are satisfied.

Ruburt’s body is becoming more alive. You have been, in some respects, psychically as tired as he was physically. As things now stand, his body is spasmodically jolting itself into new life, and responsiveness. As it does you will psychically follow suit. Your love for each other is coming to new fruition, and that, sensed by each of you, will give you an even greater impetus, for Ruburt creatively and physically; and for you this will bring about real breakthroughs in your painting and in your writing.

(Seth made his humorous remark because Willy Two, waking from his nap beside me on the couch, had climbed up in Jane’s lap while she was speaking in trance. He put his face close to hers.)

Now driving, riding, is beneficial, for it artificially allows the eyes horizons of distance, and large areas of focus. He is not moving that fast bodily, but his eyes are newly accustomed to faster motion. Earlier, the eyes’ motion fit the bodily stance. He only looked downward when he walked. When he sat, he moved his entire head. The eyes, therefore, have become unsynchronized in that regard, and are learning more natural motion. He was not aware of the difference before.

The changing jaw pressures, the releasing of tension there, altered the sinuses and the ears. Those passages had become tight. He was used to that. All of this now is changing to a healthful condition. This is difficult to explain. Before, there was a sinus drainage backup or buildup, caused by tension. I will put this as simply as possible. That buildup, caused by tension, “caused crystallizations,” or deposits, that toughened the tissues. This was more or less equally deposited in the head area, and tissues of the face.

You cannot separate achievements from personality. “Being” is not that specific. You can say “Why did my artistic talent not mature when I was young?” Yet the dimensions of personality are such that basically the question is shallow. You could have been in those terms a successful, well-known artist. The dimensions of your being, however, demanded that you seek out questions beyond those of any known perspective, and to be the kind of artist you really wanted to be lifts you into a realm beyond the usually known.