“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

This should be an illuminating session. I certainly hope that later you agree. Let us examine your joint and individual feelings about the need for solitude in which to work, and your disinclination to “hurt people’s feelings” when they intrude.

Why is it that you are so afraid of hurting peoples’ feelings in that regard? There is another belief here, then. You both believe (a) that people will not understand, and (b) that they will feel rejected, and (c) that they will reject you, and you will be left quite alone in the solitude you thought you wanted.

When you were a boy and went off by yourself to draw, your mother often acted rejected. She was pleased—with your talent, per se, but she was jealous of you. At times you felt as a child that painting, or rather drawing, hurt her, and that also she might retaliate by withholding her support in other areas. You also used the drawing and your talent to some degree as a method of exerting your own independence from her oftentimes smothering love. You were told in so many words that it was selfish of you to spend so much time by yourself, for often even when you were with Loren (my younger brother), for example, you carried a circle of your own intent about you.

(9:49.)...There is more here.... Give us a moment. I am now not speaking simply of personal events from your childhoods, or saying that you are mechanically operating now in certain fashions because of them. I am saying that your experiences led you to certain sets of beliefs. In school, ordinary society in adulthood—these were all scheduled toward outward activity. You have gone your own ways, but in some cases you are still hampered by old beliefs. People will not be personally hurt if you honestly state your position. In fact, your ambiguity puts them in an odd position, for you say one thing and mean another. They can feel the difference. When Frank asks Ruburt frankly—if you will excuse the pun (amused)—“Are you working? Am I bothering you?” and Ruburt smiles sweetly and says “No, that is fine,” then Frank is faced with Ruburt’s smiling countenance, while his intuitions tell him something else entirely.

He thinks “I must be wrong. If Jane didn’t want to talk she would have said so,” for Frank is not used to trusting his own intuitions. People are not that easily hurt by honesty. Your beliefs make it very difficult for you to achieve your solitude. While you desire it and feel it necessary, you also to some extent are afraid of it, lest it cut you off too much from your fellows.

Your time will now shortly be your own. You must manage it with conscious decisions, even if you go on trial basis with different methods, working toward what suits you best. It is not the method you latch upon that is important, but that you insist upon making conscious decisions, and taking conscious control of your time. In the past you felt and believed that this was not possible, and so your attempts failed, largely because you were afraid—overly afraid —of hurting other peoples’ feelings, and somewhat afraid that your desire for solitude would cut you off too much from others.

My suggestions in that area, as per Fridays, were simply meant as an example. I was not suggesting each Friday, but some time set aside for sociality, not simply with the Gallaghers. You will not hurt their feelings either. See them twice a month. It does not matter whether you work all night, or so many hours a day, as long as you are satisfied.

That is why I want that other issue, so important to both of you, jointly and consciously tackled. If you are so afraid of hurting peoples’ feelings face to face, then lock your doors, and put a “people working, come back later” sign outside. At least you would feel that you were in control of your time, for you are.