“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

When you were a boy and went off by yourself to draw, your mother often acted rejected. She was pleased—with your talent, per se, but she was jealous of you. At times you felt as a child that painting, or rather drawing, hurt her, and that also she might retaliate by withholding her support in other areas. You also used the drawing and your talent to some degree as a method of exerting your own independence from her oftentimes smothering love. You were told in so many words that it was selfish of you to spend so much time by yourself, for often even when you were with Loren (my younger brother), for example, you carried a circle of your own intent about you.

(9:49.)...There is more here.... Give us a moment. I am now not speaking simply of personal events from your childhoods, or saying that you are mechanically operating now in certain fashions because of them. I am saying that your experiences led you to certain sets of beliefs. In school, ordinary society in adulthood—these were all scheduled toward outward activity. You have gone your own ways, but in some cases you are still hampered by old beliefs. People will not be personally hurt if you honestly state your position. In fact, your ambiguity puts them in an odd position, for you say one thing and mean another. They can feel the difference. When Frank asks Ruburt frankly—if you will excuse the pun (amused)—“Are you working? Am I bothering you?” and Ruburt smiles sweetly and says “No, that is fine,” then Frank is faced with Ruburt’s smiling countenance, while his intuitions tell him something else entirely.

He thinks “I must be wrong. If Jane didn’t want to talk she would have said so,” for Frank is not used to trusting his own intuitions. People are not that easily hurt by honesty. Your beliefs make it very difficult for you to achieve your solitude. While you desire it and feel it necessary, you also to some extent are afraid of it, lest it cut you off too much from your fellows.

In your position, then, Friday night could be a time when your friends know you are available, free, and looking forward to sociability. You would be if the rest of the week were cleared—and it would be cleared if you realized that what was involved was simply a matter of your own quite natural working habits and convenience, and made it clear that people were welcome at another time.

There may be times in working hours when someone comes, and you do feel like seeing them. That is all right. Most of the time, however, you are not honest. You say yes when you mean no. This only serves to reinforce your beliefs that it is impossible to maintain your privacy, and you feel then less in control of your own time.

Your time will now shortly be your own. You must manage it with conscious decisions, even if you go on trial basis with different methods, working toward what suits you best. It is not the method you latch upon that is important, but that you insist upon making conscious decisions, and taking conscious control of your time. In the past you felt and believed that this was not possible, and so your attempts failed, largely because you were afraid—overly afraid —of hurting other peoples’ feelings, and somewhat afraid that your desire for solitude would cut you off too much from others.

If you arrange for your own work times, and those times are adequate, you will have peace of mind. Then your natural desire also to see other people will propel you, again quite naturally, to make suitable arrangements that will then be most fruitful.

“Unknown” Reality, Volume 2, and Psyche, will come out fairly close together. Prentice will follow any policy there that you want, and indeed would welcome your own ideas, for without them they are not certain of your intents. They will almost always follow firm statements by either of you, and they look for your direction.

No one can assess the quality of a life. The body in some respects has its own innocent life—a part of yours, but apart from it in certain respects. It will seed the earth, and so it knows its death is not death.

You could not settle for less. The same applies to Ruburt and his writing, and those are the challenges you have undertaken. By their nature they do not give you niches in which you can rest. You are creating an art that exists now, though you cannot see it, but only sense it at times.