“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt feels that he has a dragon by the tail. He is damned if he will let go and yet he is afraid to pull harder. You can specifically say that this has to do with what you call your psychic work, but even before “it” began he was aware of that energy of his, concerned about using it, focusing it, delighted with it, and afraid of it at the same time.

He has been using the symptoms indeed as brakes. [...] He is afraid to go ahead, feeling it not safe, yet he is damned if he will retreat, and for that matter he realizes that there is no retreat from your own knowledge and experience.

He is literally a great receiver of energy. He attracts it and it must therefore then go through him, translated into experience outward. He is himself. He cannot turn himself off, or his abilities off. [...]

He has been afraid to use his abilities freely, and therefore set up physical conditions that remind him constantly of his body and objective physical life, for fear that he will go too far beyond it. He uses the radio often as physical noise to bring him back and serve as a guideline in altered states of consciousness.

[...] It is his freely allowed subjective experience now that results in books—mine, and Seven’s. He has set up barriers however against his own personal inner mobility. It is extremely important that he become more permissive, particularly in the dream state, and to change his attitude about dreaming, to go along with his experience and forget how he can make it understandable to others.

You did not want Ruburt sick, but you did want brakes applied, and he chose the method. He chose the method for various reasons, from his experience. He had seen you drag your feet, applying brakes to a situation; and identifying with you, and not with his mother, his chose the same means.

[...] He will realize his safety and ability, but the challenge cannot be put off. Before he sleeps he should remind himself of his natural gift of inner mobility, and encourage dream experience and recall. [...]

[...] He tried to hold himself down because, he felt, that the energy was so strong that allowed freedom in almost any direction, it would bring him in conflict with the mores and ways of other people.

In whatever level of activity he focused his energy, his activities would be strong, exaggerated in terms of others by comparison. He is a great mystic. [...]

Had he been for example a great actor, he would have met the same kind of problem in different form.