“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Normal angry feelings are natural methods of communication, ways of stabilizing situations. They serve to prevent strong (underlined) aggression or violence, both in animals and men. Coupled with a habit of consciously (underlined) repressing normal angry feelings, we have Ruburt’s loyalty to you. The feelings mentioned at the (supper) table were conscious at times, but he refused to acknowledge them.

In the past. I am speaking now of habitual ways of handling conscious angry thoughts. When you were ill they began, but he felt even less able to acknowledge them as his own. The background has largely been given of those times.

(Further, my urge toward doing my best work comes at an age when I feel that I should be doing my best work. When I started painting, I was appalled to discover my ignorance. I’ve spent years trying to learn. The urge to learn, perhaps overdone, may be one of the Nebene characteristics, [and as an aside I thoroughly wish the Nebene character did not exist.] But regardless of that, I didn’t think my wish to excel in my chosen field necessarily a poor one. I was willing to spend the time necessary to master painting. Each one has been a trial. The last year has been very productive as far as learning goes, and I’m at the point where I expect it to begin paying rich dividends. It also seems that this point coincides with a time of trial for Jane and me, as witness these deleted sessions.

(I have for some time thought that Jane needed to sell her writings as a means of justifying her life—whether these writings were her best work was, in that sense, immaterial; she couldn’t possibly wait until her writing was a polished art before beginning to market it. So I don’t believe comparisons between her selling her work, and me selling mine, mean much. I also have an attitude that is quite personal, whether it is a good one or not: I don’t care too much what others think about my painting. Oddly enough, I am sure that my work will end up very successful, both as art and in the marketplace. So I can safely say that in my own way I am trying very hard to make a “success” of my work. Our methods differ markedly, however.

On the same level: With Ruburt’s background he felt no man would support him, yet wanted to be supported. It would prove he was being cherished. The part-time job on your part was of course a compromise, but loving you, he felt it was at the expense of your creative output and purposes.

(A thought: I now realize that Jane put the same interpretation on her own work—namely, the psychic work. It took me years to learn that she regarded her work in the psychic field—and the time and energy involved—as aside from her main creative goal, which is to write “straight” literature that is also art.)

There is no doubt that he began to feel that his every creative act had to pay off financially. Better that than have you tied to that job at Artistic for any longer a time. This put you directly on the spot. He wanted you to do your thing, at the same time that the financial pressure grows. Yet it was good that you left the job when you did.

(I told Jane after this session that I’d intended to leave the job in a year or so —in other words, at about this time, rather than when I did. I thought that by now we’d have a good financial backlog built up, and freedom of action. I didn’t realize last year of course that she was so dissatisfied with the psychic image and the books; I blithely assumed that she felt she was doing good work, and that she accepted it, which doesn’t mean that I had any thoughts of ever saying she shouldn’t do any other kind of writing, ever. I had no idea of the bitterness or the depths of her resistance to, or feeling against, being sidetracked, as she sees it, from her main goals in life.)

He decided then, with your help, to drop Adventures, as was necessary at the time. The financial question was then brought to a head by your ideas also of moving. I knew of course this would be the case.

(I said I was willing to face whatever developed because of this action—that if I had to get a job on part-time basis, okay. After all, we do have money; money also is due from her father’s estate, royalties, Rich Bed eventually, and the sale of paperback rights by Prentice-Hall; ESP class also helps—Jane said she enjoys the class. I don’t see her symptoms lessening, so feel that action must be taken.