“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

SESSION 632 (DELETED PORTION)

(This material is from the 632nd session for January 15, 1973.

(Further, my urge toward doing my best work comes at an age when I feel that I should be doing my best work. When I started painting, I was appalled to discover my ignorance. I’ve spent years trying to learn. The urge to learn, perhaps overdone, may be one of the Nebene characteristics, [and as an aside I thoroughly wish the Nebene character did not exist.] But regardless of that, I didn’t think my wish to excel in my chosen field necessarily a poor one. I was willing to spend the time necessary to master painting. Each one has been a trial. The last year has been very productive as far as learning goes, and I’m at the point where I expect it to begin paying rich dividends. It also seems that this point coincides with a time of trial for Jane and me, as witness these deleted sessions.

(I told Jane after this session that I’d intended to leave the job in a year or so —in other words, at about this time, rather than when I did. I thought that by now we’d have a good financial backlog built up, and freedom of action. I didn’t realize last year of course that she was so dissatisfied with the psychic image and the books; I blithely assumed that she felt she was doing good work, and that she accepted it, which doesn’t mean that I had any thoughts of ever saying she shouldn’t do any other kind of writing, ever. I had no idea of the bitterness or the depths of her resistance to, or feeling against, being sidetracked, as she sees it, from her main goals in life.)

Were you not selling your paintings to spite him or yourself or your mother? If you did not want to do portraits, why accept commissions? Say no. Give us a moment. (Pause.) His unspoken anger grew. He is pleased with my book. He was always deeply grateful for your part in Seth Speaks, and in the sessions. Your later, better communication and rapport made matters worse, for his unexpressed feelings seemed then completely unjustified, and his fear of hurting you grew stronger.

The more you spoke of prices of food going up, the worse the feelings about eating became (and the tooth and jaw symptoms). Even our sessions would be contracted for in advance. Now this is fine with me. It makes no difference, and it will not to Ruburt when these connections are made clear.

He was also afraid that you would lose self-respect on your own and he could not bear that. Now you may take a break or end the session.

(11:26. I asked Seth for a break, but this proved to be the end of the session. Both of us were upset, of course. I told Jane that I had been having a change of mind, and that perhaps she shouldn’t contract Seth’s latest book in advance after all. I had become afraid a contract would reinforce the emphasis on psychic work that she wants to get out from under. I told her I would go along with whatever she decided on the contract, but did express my thoughts on it.