“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(10:45 PM.) Now. Ruburt never learned how to handle normal aggressive thoughts.

Ruburt’s feelings were largely directed against the parent. He was not encouraged, but discouraged from expressing normal anger. He was afraid of his mother’s wrath. You know those conditions.

Normal angry feelings are natural methods of communication, ways of stabilizing situations. They serve to prevent strong (underlined) aggression or violence, both in animals and men. Coupled with a habit of consciously (underlined) repressing normal angry feelings, we have Ruburt’s loyalty to you. The feelings mentioned at the (supper) table were conscious at times, but he refused to acknowledge them.

The Nebene characteristics, now creatively used, then also mitigated against Ruburt’s easy expression of such feelings, and he did tie up some characteristics of Nebene with his mother’s scorn. He is not worried so much that you have not made a great financial success of your art. He is ashamed of the following feelings:

We are going to get a good portion of this out, but you two have to face it on an emotional level, and you avoid it, both of you. These are not unconscious hidden things. Ruburt is faced with the fact that he is afraid to eat. He is ashamed because at one level he begrudges the food you eat, so he will not eat to punish himself.

We are bringing some beliefs out in to the open, yours as well as Ruburt’s. You identified in many respects with your father, though often you felt forced to take your mother’s part. You were, and to some extent are, resentful of women, and would not have married a woman who bore you children.

On the same level: With Ruburt’s background he felt no man would support him, yet wanted to be supported. It would prove he was being cherished. The part-time job on your part was of course a compromise, but loving you, he felt it was at the expense of your creative output and purposes.

In his own way your father was saying “Since you do not trust my creativity I will deny you its benefits, even if I deny myself its benefits”—this to your mother; and you picked up a taboo: you could make money on art as long as you felt it was not really (underlined) creative—that is, commercial. But you would keep good work to yourself and not sell it. So Ruburt did not accept any of your answers.

The more you spoke of prices of food going up, the worse the feelings about eating became (and the tooth and jaw symptoms). Even our sessions would be contracted for in advance. Now this is fine with me. It makes no difference, and it will not to Ruburt when these connections are made clear.