“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Ruburt’s feelings were largely directed against the parent. He was not encouraged, but discouraged from expressing normal anger. He was afraid of his mother’s wrath. You know those conditions.

Normal angry feelings are natural methods of communication, ways of stabilizing situations. They serve to prevent strong (underlined) aggression or violence, both in animals and men. Coupled with a habit of consciously (underlined) repressing normal angry feelings, we have Ruburt’s loyalty to you. The feelings mentioned at the (supper) table were conscious at times, but he refused to acknowledge them.

In the past. I am speaking now of habitual ways of handling conscious angry thoughts. When you were ill they began, but he felt even less able to acknowledge them as his own. The background has largely been given of those times.

The Nebene characteristics, now creatively used, then also mitigated against Ruburt’s easy expression of such feelings, and he did tie up some characteristics of Nebene with his mother’s scorn. He is not worried so much that you have not made a great financial success of your art. He is ashamed of the following feelings:

He feels that you have not tried to make a success of your art, but have used excuses while blaming him for using excuses; that he tries desperately to sell his books, while you will not lift a finger to sell your paintings; that if he waited until he did his best work, he would never have sold a thing.

He feels that you are not satisfied with your work, and so will not try to sell it in the marketplace, while he must sell his work in the marketplace. There are several levels of feeling here. On one level he would not care, if only he felt you were really (underlined) painting what you wanted, and pleased with it; but you do not seem pleased.

He feels highly disloyal facing any of these thoughts, mainly because he does not want to hurt someone he loves so deeply—the only person in fact he loves in the world.

We are going to get a good portion of this out, but you two have to face it on an emotional level, and you avoid it, both of you. These are not unconscious hidden things. Ruburt is faced with the fact that he is afraid to eat. He is ashamed because at one level he begrudges the food you eat, so he will not eat to punish himself.

You would not be shunted aside as your mother shunted your father. You would not be forced to work as he did, and waste his creativity, so you chose a wife who would make no such demands—apart from other reasons. We are picking up one level here.

On the same level: With Ruburt’s background he felt no man would support him, yet wanted to be supported. It would prove he was being cherished. The part-time job on your part was of course a compromise, but loving you, he felt it was at the expense of your creative output and purposes.

There is no doubt that he began to feel that his every creative act had to pay off financially. Better that than have you tied to that job at Artistic for any longer a time. This put you directly on the spot. He wanted you to do your thing, at the same time that the financial pressure grows. Yet it was good that you left the job when you did.

He decided then, with your help, to drop Adventures, as was necessary at the time. The financial question was then brought to a head by your ideas also of moving. I knew of course this would be the case.

Were you not selling your paintings to spite him or yourself or your mother? If you did not want to do portraits, why accept commissions? Say no. Give us a moment. (Pause.) His unspoken anger grew. He is pleased with my book. He was always deeply grateful for your part in Seth Speaks, and in the sessions. Your later, better communication and rapport made matters worse, for his unexpressed feelings seemed then completely unjustified, and his fear of hurting you grew stronger.

He was also afraid that you would lose self-respect on your own and he could not bear that. Now you may take a break or end the session.