“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

In the past. I am speaking now of habitual ways of handling conscious angry thoughts. When you were ill they began, but he felt even less able to acknowledge them as his own. The background has largely been given of those times.

He feels that you are not satisfied with your work, and so will not try to sell it in the marketplace, while he must sell his work in the marketplace. There are several levels of feeling here. On one level he would not care, if only he felt you were really (underlined) painting what you wanted, and pleased with it; but you do not seem pleased.

(A few notes: I have always felt that my early life, being so different than Jane’s, had a lot to do with my approach to painting, once I embarked upon it after meeting her when I was about 34. I didn’t grow up with the consuming urge toward fine art that she developed about writing at an early age. I did commercial work for many years. I have always taken these differences for granted, and evidently assumed too much when I thought she understood them.

We are bringing some beliefs out in to the open, yours as well as Ruburt’s. You identified in many respects with your father, though often you felt forced to take your mother’s part. You were, and to some extent are, resentful of women, and would not have married a woman who bore you children.

On the same level: With Ruburt’s background he felt no man would support him, yet wanted to be supported. It would prove he was being cherished. The part-time job on your part was of course a compromise, but loving you, he felt it was at the expense of your creative output and purposes.

(I told Jane after this session that I’d intended to leave the job in a year or so —in other words, at about this time, rather than when I did. I thought that by now we’d have a good financial backlog built up, and freedom of action. I didn’t realize last year of course that she was so dissatisfied with the psychic image and the books; I blithely assumed that she felt she was doing good work, and that she accepted it, which doesn’t mean that I had any thoughts of ever saying she shouldn’t do any other kind of writing, ever. I had no idea of the bitterness or the depths of her resistance to, or feeling against, being sidetracked, as she sees it, from her main goals in life.)

In his own way your father was saying “Since you do not trust my creativity I will deny you its benefits, even if I deny myself its benefits”—this to your mother; and you picked up a taboo: you could make money on art as long as you felt it was not really (underlined) creative—that is, commercial. But you would keep good work to yourself and not sell it. So Ruburt did not accept any of your answers.