“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

There is some envy. You did not say that you intended to devote yourself to your own painting, and this should be verbalized. The family compromises began long ago, out of a misguided sense of sympathy, and now to some extent or another will continue. Here you are caught in a compromise of emotions. Ruburt feels this particularly strongly, because he is so sensitive over such relationships to begin with. The situation however is such that almost any clear emotion is automatically denied expression, shunted aside and often replaced completely by an opposite—all under the guise of the idea of (in quotes) “being good and understanding.”

Unconsciously the emotions are quite clearly picked up on all of your parts, and clear communication, bodily or verbally, almost completely cut off. The quite legitimate spontaneous desires to be of help are therefore often hidden beneath a barrage of resentments at being forced to help for the wrong reasons.

Your mother realizes when she is pulling emotional blackmail on you, and recognizes when you come, willingly or unwillingly. The situation’s roots lie so in the past, and so pervade the present, that practically little can be changed without the greatest efforts. She knows you come out of obligation. That is like a slap in the face that she must tolerate, and because of her own actions and stress laid upon what was right and proper at the expense of true feelings.

Now apart from that, Ruburt has his own feelings, which are somewhat exaggerated, but he also usually tries to disregard them emotionally. He says “I overreact to Rob’s mother,” and intellectually then says “that is silly,” but he never allows himself to experience the feelings themselves. He does not want to hurt you. He does not want things to be unpleasant.

The art and the symbols are closely related, and I do not mean by this that the art is necessarily stylized, as for example the symbols necessarily were. But none of this could have been done, or begun, without clearing the debris that had gathered about you both, emotionally and practically. If you go ahead with the work you are meant to do, it will also take care of you.