“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The session contained information about vital aspects of Ruburt’s personality, but given in your terms at a particular period of time. More intimate material concerning your own relationship could not be given then, of the kind given later. He would not allow it.

He was afraid to make a decision for fear that it would be the wrong one, and sometimes literally afraid to move for fear of making the wrong move, and earning your displeasure of disapproval.

Now. Ruburt felt that his symptoms were, in your eyes, the concrete indications of his imperfections. They became a symbol to him. You would not accept him as he was unless he was perfect. You would not accept him with the symptoms as an imperfect being, and love him anyway. He felt that unless he became physically perfect again (underlined) you would not love him again in that way he wanted.

He had to be perfect for you in order to be physically perfect, and he felt it impossible to be perfect enough, so that this could be physically materialized. He felt you were rigid in your standards. Now much of this has to do with his own characteristics, as given, and ways of reacting. He was afraid you would become like your father in his treatment of your mother.

He felt unable to freely (underlined) express his fears to you, feeling they would only upset you. You did not express your fears often to him, so he began to hide his warm, vulnerable self from the person he loved most.

(We discussed the questions at last break to make sure Seth would cover them tonight: from her records Jane recently realized that coincident with the mailing of the manuscript for Seth Speaks to the publisher, and the death of her father, near November 15, 1971, the condition of her legs took a decided turn for the worse. Also, in the 367th session, Seth made certain remarks that have bothered her ever since —mainly about the necessity of his presence.)

He felt—this is an answer to another question—that there was a veiled threat involved in my remark that I would not be dispensed with. There was none. He felt angry that often it seemed you trusted me but not him. He was never in danger of any severe emotional or mental difficulties. He would always cope—and in the main creatively, if unconventionally or bizarrely.

Now you knew Ruburt’s stubbornness. You knew he would insist upon drawing you out in precisely those ways that you desired and feared, so both of you were quite aware of what was going on.

You gave also creatively, and do not forget that. Age is involved, in that you knew Ruburt would go so far and no further, and so did he.

Indeed. He is too literal to let things remain hidden. He would have made changes, and insisted you face the symbolic situation in concrete terms, as in entirely separate apartments, or different bedrooms, until the physical situation mirrored the symbolic ones.

This would have frightened you enough so that you would have come to him freely, or in his eyes not cared enough to. Do you have other questions?

In his role as woman Ruburt would not want to appear in public with you unless he was gallantly and proudly escorted. He expected this always. For a while, now, the symptoms also represented a holding back because he feared you were jealous of his success, to save you embarrassment, as mentioned in the past.

Before, in the past, you would each go so far, as given before (louder), then let the whole thing go underground once more.

Ruburt would not allow that to happen any more, for both of your sakes. He would not hurt himself either beyond a certain point. Hence his just-surfacing thought last week about separate apartments. Beyond all this he also knew he had to consider the separate apartments while knowing they would not be necessary. Do you follow me?

He had to know he could do it, and that he would, while a portion of him knew quite well that it was not necessary.