“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(This session was quite unexpected and spontaneous. It grew out of the last deleted session for November 24, 1972. It very well answers the attempts Jane and I have been making to integrate the session for November 24, and the 367th session for October 1, 1967.

The point about success being a critical factor (in the 367th) also means that it was a potentially creative factor. It could bring various potentials to bear that could be used positively—or in your terms negatively.

What was not said is this: he felt that no one with whom he had been intimately involved believed in him as a person, or trusted his intrinsic value, except for yourself. Your meeting and love helped reinforce all of his own creative aspects and rearroused his faith in himself. While he had that strong faith in himself, the other tendencies, including the false prophet ideas, lost all but the most minute significance.

His mother, Father Ryan, Walter, some college friends, Mozet, Hays, all of those persons in one way or another implied strongly at times that he was either a saint or a devil, a creator or a destroyer. He held his faith in himself despite those odds, and because of the vitality of his youth.

You alone seemed to accept him as the person that he was. Love is a great reconciler, and the greatest healer, and so is trust. Some of this can be given later if you want specific connections. As your own complaints grew however, about your job, this place (house), publishers, and his behavior, he began to feel that he did not have your trust, and therefore the old doubts, slowly at first, began to emerge.

He was afraid to make a decision for fear that it would be the wrong one, and sometimes literally afraid to move for fear of making the wrong move, and earning your displeasure of disapproval.

When he was spontaneous, it seemed, you did (underlined) disapprove. At the time that session was given (367th) those elements were paramount. It was because of his great love for you and his knowledge of your great love for him, that your disapproval, by contrast, was (underlined) so chilling.

Intuitively the personality knew its abilities also, so there was the creative urge to develop and grow. The two blended. His desire to forge ahead philosophically beyond any school or church also was involved, and his artistic endeavors—which bloom in my books, now, as well as in his own work.

The entire psychic situation then brought into your lives fantastic energy, and attempted to correlate diverse creative, personal and psychic goals. All for this was focused into a particular time, as you think of it.

It demanded growth, creativity. It was born of such diverse elements, in this life term, as your sign, “Make a galaxy, Jane,” and also born because of those stresses that had deeply by then already made themselves known.

Now. Ruburt felt that his symptoms were, in your eyes, the concrete indications of his imperfections. They became a symbol to him. You would not accept him as he was unless he was perfect. You would not accept him with the symptoms as an imperfect being, and love him anyway. He felt that unless he became physically perfect again (underlined) you would not love him again in that way he wanted.

He had to be perfect for you in order to be physically perfect, and he felt it impossible to be perfect enough, so that this could be physically materialized. He felt you were rigid in your standards. Now much of this has to do with his own characteristics, as given, and ways of reacting. He was afraid you would become like your father in his treatment of your mother.

Both events are important—the death of his father and the mailing of the book. He felt that you were strongly dissatisfied with the circumstances surrounding the book: you told him it was marred because of his missed sessions; the fact that it was accepted instead of another book (Dreams, etc.). And the Nebene characteristics that came out strongly as you worked with the details toward the book’s end.

His father’s death reminded him that he was suddenly quite alone except then for his mother, and also brought up the question of age.

He felt—this is an answer to another question—that there was a veiled threat involved in my remark that I would not be dispensed with. There was none. He felt angry that often it seemed you trusted me but not him. He was never in danger of any severe emotional or mental difficulties. He would always cope—and in the main creatively, if unconventionally or bizarrely.

He did feel accused in your eyes, and he was determined that your relationship live up to its potentials as much as was possible.

Now you knew Ruburt’s stubbornness. You knew he would insist upon drawing you out in precisely those ways that you desired and feared, so both of you were quite aware of what was going on.

(9:18. Jane had been way out. She remembered nothing, including the ringing of our phone across the hall. She was very relaxed. She also felt sick again, as she had at break during the last deleted session for November 24. She had a coughing spell. She walked better during break, though, and felt much better when the session resumed at 9:42.)

In his role as woman Ruburt would not want to appear in public with you unless he was gallantly and proudly escorted. He expected this always. For a while, now, the symptoms also represented a holding back because he feared you were jealous of his success, to save you embarrassment, as mentioned in the past.

He felt ashamed of what he thought you thought of as trivial unimportant matters, homey concerns. He became ashamed of them. Fear of childbirth was also involved. He feels you both can be more lenient now since the possibilities have dropped some: because of his age he is less likely to become pregnant, than when he was, say, 30.

He also felt sexually that what you wanted least was true spontaneity, for that could lead him to forget himself enough to forget proper birth control methods. You did not trust intercourse anymore than he did.

He had to know he could do it, and that he would, while a portion of him knew quite well that it was not necessary.

Your location. You gave it more negative ones than Ruburt, but each of you felt it was all you could afford, and poor at that. The contrast between your last stay there, and that one, and in your relationship, was too obvious for comfort.

You (to me) felt that your physical situation in the years between was not that much better—and on top of it you had quit your job. The two of you were in one room together, where Ruburt felt his imperfections could not be hidden.

You were not painting. Ruburt was not writing. You were faced with your relationship as it exists apart from your work together. Now do you follow me?

The easy, spontaneous, daily, trivial, give-and-take was not there. Both of you knew it. You took approximately the same amount of time to do your puzzles as you usually spent working, to fill in the gap. Does that answer your question?

Now—I told you earlier something about that. He displayed his body wearing shorts and swimsuits, and that was also involved. Check the session.

(We thought the session was over, but began discussing Richard Bach’s postcard of November 10, mentioning that he could accept a reincarnational hint or two. To ge some data for Dick, Jane went back into trance at 11:00.)

There was a previous relationship, in your terms, with your third child. Tell yourself you will have a dream that will tell you of the circumstances.

(Checking his mail in California, Dick found a letter on White House stationery, written by Mr. Andrews. The brief letter commented favorably on Seagull, and invited Dick to dinner in Washington, DC. Dick called Eleanor, who in turn called us at 9:08 PM Tuesday evening, November 28. Jane was in class so I took the call.