“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

The session contained information about vital aspects of Ruburt’s personality, but given in your terms at a particular period of time. More intimate material concerning your own relationship could not be given then, of the kind given later. He would not allow it.

You do have strong perfectionist leanings. They are, whether you know it or not, also projected by you upon Ruburt, so that you do see his physical condition as an outrage, not only literally but symbolically. This is something quite beside your normal urge to see your wife in good health.

Ruburt has always known this. To some extent he had equated his recovery as almost impossible at times, since in those terms, now, and when (underlined) they operate, it puts him in the position of trying to be perfect. Do you follow me?

There is material, buried in the files, that says clearly that our sessions began for many reasons—your joint desire to know, for example, and to probe together into the nature of reality. They also began because Ruburt most desperately wanted you to be well, and tuned into a greater source than usually available to that end.

Now. Ruburt felt that his symptoms were, in your eyes, the concrete indications of his imperfections. They became a symbol to him. You would not accept him as he was unless he was perfect. You would not accept him with the symptoms as an imperfect being, and love him anyway. He felt that unless he became physically perfect again (underlined) you would not love him again in that way he wanted.

Now you knew Ruburt’s stubbornness. You knew he would insist upon drawing you out in precisely those ways that you desired and feared, so both of you were quite aware of what was going on.

You gave also creatively, and do not forget that. Age is involved, in that you knew Ruburt would go so far and no further, and so did he.

It is because you both are such loners basically, creatively and in normal physical life, that Ruburt realized that you must have a strong and vital, open and warm system of communication with each other. It also means that you alone in the main must meet each other’s emotional needs. They do not find fulfillment from a large family in daily contact, for example, or from a large group of friends.

In his role as woman Ruburt would not want to appear in public with you unless he was gallantly and proudly escorted. He expected this always. For a while, now, the symptoms also represented a holding back because he feared you were jealous of his success, to save you embarrassment, as mentioned in the past.

Ruburt would not allow that to happen any more, for both of your sakes. He would not hurt himself either beyond a certain point. Hence his just-surfacing thought last week about separate apartments. Beyond all this he also knew he had to consider the separate apartments while knowing they would not be necessary. Do you follow me?

Your location. You gave it more negative ones than Ruburt, but each of you felt it was all you could afford, and poor at that. The contrast between your last stay there, and that one, and in your relationship, was too obvious for comfort.

You (to me) felt that your physical situation in the years between was not that much better—and on top of it you had quit your job. The two of you were in one room together, where Ruburt felt his imperfections could not be hidden.

You were not painting. Ruburt was not writing. You were faced with your relationship as it exists apart from your work together. Now do you follow me?

Now though it may not seem so to you, the entire episode has been a creative endeavor, in which together you saw to it that various desired characteristics be brought out in each other. You particularly in the beginning, served as a strong impetus to Ruburt, freeing him for serious work.

You do not believe me now when I tell you that you have always exaggerated your situation and Ruburt’s as far as its negative aspects are concerned—but you have, and this has been part of the difficulty.

Richard sends you (Jane and me) postcards, and this is my private postcard to him, though my real address is difficult to find (period). I am keeping an eye out however for his affairs and Eleanor’s, and I appreciate their endeavors on Ruburt’s behalf. They are not needed, and yet on all of your behalves they are needed.