“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

What was not said is this: he felt that no one with whom he had been intimately involved believed in him as a person, or trusted his intrinsic value, except for yourself. Your meeting and love helped reinforce all of his own creative aspects and rearroused his faith in himself. While he had that strong faith in himself, the other tendencies, including the false prophet ideas, lost all but the most minute significance.

His mother, Father Ryan, Walter, some college friends, Mozet, Hays, all of those persons in one way or another implied strongly at times that he was either a saint or a devil, a creator or a destroyer. He held his faith in himself despite those odds, and because of the vitality of his youth.

You alone seemed to accept him as the person that he was. Love is a great reconciler, and the greatest healer, and so is trust. Some of this can be given later if you want specific connections. As your own complaints grew however, about your job, this place (house), publishers, and his behavior, he began to feel that he did not have your trust, and therefore the old doubts, slowly at first, began to emerge.

It is true that for some time he then projected portions of his own overly-conscientious portions upon you, and then reacted; but it is also true that you had schooled yourself to display displeasure through a heavy silence, and were afraid of displaying your happier, sunnier emotions.

When he was spontaneous, it seemed, you did (underlined) disapprove. At the time that session was given (367th) those elements were paramount. It was because of his great love for you and his knowledge of your great love for him, that your disapproval, by contrast, was (underlined) so chilling.

You do have strong perfectionist leanings. They are, whether you know it or not, also projected by you upon Ruburt, so that you do see his physical condition as an outrage, not only literally but symbolically. This is something quite beside your normal urge to see your wife in good health.

Ruburt has always known this. To some extent he had equated his recovery as almost impossible at times, since in those terms, now, and when (underlined) they operate, it puts him in the position of trying to be perfect. Do you follow me?

Intuitively the personality knew its abilities also, so there was the creative urge to develop and grow. The two blended. His desire to forge ahead philosophically beyond any school or church also was involved, and his artistic endeavors—which bloom in my books, now, as well as in his own work.

Now. Ruburt felt that his symptoms were, in your eyes, the concrete indications of his imperfections. They became a symbol to him. You would not accept him as he was unless he was perfect. You would not accept him with the symptoms as an imperfect being, and love him anyway. He felt that unless he became physically perfect again (underlined) you would not love him again in that way he wanted.

He had to be perfect for you in order to be physically perfect, and he felt it impossible to be perfect enough, so that this could be physically materialized. He felt you were rigid in your standards. Now much of this has to do with his own characteristics, as given, and ways of reacting. He was afraid you would become like your father in his treatment of your mother.

He felt unable to freely (underlined) express his fears to you, feeling they would only upset you. You did not express your fears often to him, so he began to hide his warm, vulnerable self from the person he loved most.

(We discussed the questions at last break to make sure Seth would cover them tonight: from her records Jane recently realized that coincident with the mailing of the manuscript for Seth Speaks to the publisher, and the death of her father, near November 15, 1971, the condition of her legs took a decided turn for the worse. Also, in the 367th session, Seth made certain remarks that have bothered her ever since —mainly about the necessity of his presence.)

Both events are important—the death of his father and the mailing of the book. He felt that you were strongly dissatisfied with the circumstances surrounding the book: you told him it was marred because of his missed sessions; the fact that it was accepted instead of another book (Dreams, etc.). And the Nebene characteristics that came out strongly as you worked with the details toward the book’s end.

His father’s death reminded him that he was suddenly quite alone except then for his mother, and also brought up the question of age.

He could not satisfy either parent, or you, or apparently himself, and there seemed no place to turn. With you home, it seemed, you only noticed his imperfections more.

This would have frightened you enough so that you would have come to him freely, or in his eyes not cared enough to. Do you have other questions?

In his role as woman Ruburt would not want to appear in public with you unless he was gallantly and proudly escorted. He expected this always. For a while, now, the symptoms also represented a holding back because he feared you were jealous of his success, to save you embarrassment, as mentioned in the past.

He felt ashamed of what he thought you thought of as trivial unimportant matters, homey concerns. He became ashamed of them. Fear of childbirth was also involved. He feels you both can be more lenient now since the possibilities have dropped some: because of his age he is less likely to become pregnant, than when he was, say, 30.

A good deal for the leg contraction has to do with inhibited sexual impulse. There will be some resistance on his part (touching leg) as you resume a normal sexual pattern, simply because of the pent-up frightened energy.

Ruburt would not allow that to happen any more, for both of your sakes. He would not hurt himself either beyond a certain point. Hence his just-surfacing thought last week about separate apartments. Beyond all this he also knew he had to consider the separate apartments while knowing they would not be necessary. Do you follow me?

You (to me) felt that your physical situation in the years between was not that much better—and on top of it you had quit your job. The two of you were in one room together, where Ruburt felt his imperfections could not be hidden.

Now—I told you earlier something about that. He displayed his body wearing shorts and swimsuits, and that was also involved. Check the session.

Richard sends you (Jane and me) postcards, and this is my private postcard to him, though my real address is difficult to find (period). I am keeping an eye out however for his affairs and Eleanor’s, and I appreciate their endeavors on Ruburt’s behalf. They are not needed, and yet on all of your behalves they are needed.

(Notes: Richard Bach and Eleanor Friede called Jane Monday afternoon, November 27, from Bridgehampton, Long Island, before Dick flew back to Carmel, California, and I read this copy to them. Jane then mailed a typed copy of the data for Dick to his California address Tuesday morning, November 28.

(Checking his mail in California, Dick found a letter on White House stationery, written by Mr. Andrews. The brief letter commented favorably on Seagull, and invited Dick to dinner in Washington, DC. Dick called Eleanor, who in turn called us at 9:08 PM Tuesday evening, November 28. Jane was in class so I took the call.