“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(Jane felt much better the last two days, etc.)

What was not said is this: he felt that no one with whom he had been intimately involved believed in him as a person, or trusted his intrinsic value, except for yourself. Your meeting and love helped reinforce all of his own creative aspects and rearroused his faith in himself. While he had that strong faith in himself, the other tendencies, including the false prophet ideas, lost all but the most minute significance.

Now. Ruburt felt that his symptoms were, in your eyes, the concrete indications of his imperfections. They became a symbol to him. You would not accept him as he was unless he was perfect. You would not accept him with the symptoms as an imperfect being, and love him anyway. He felt that unless he became physically perfect again (underlined) you would not love him again in that way he wanted.

He had to be perfect for you in order to be physically perfect, and he felt it impossible to be perfect enough, so that this could be physically materialized. He felt you were rigid in your standards. Now much of this has to do with his own characteristics, as given, and ways of reacting. He was afraid you would become like your father in his treatment of your mother.

He felt unable to freely (underlined) express his fears to you, feeling they would only upset you. You did not express your fears often to him, so he began to hide his warm, vulnerable self from the person he loved most.

Both events are important—the death of his father and the mailing of the book. He felt that you were strongly dissatisfied with the circumstances surrounding the book: you told him it was marred because of his missed sessions; the fact that it was accepted instead of another book (Dreams, etc.). And the Nebene characteristics that came out strongly as you worked with the details toward the book’s end.

Another marred performance, with you he felt as the judge.

He felt—this is an answer to another question—that there was a veiled threat involved in my remark that I would not be dispensed with. There was none. He felt angry that often it seemed you trusted me but not him. He was never in danger of any severe emotional or mental difficulties. He would always cope—and in the main creatively, if unconventionally or bizarrely.

(9:18. Jane had been way out. She remembered nothing, including the ringing of our phone across the hall. She was very relaxed. She also felt sick again, as she had at break during the last deleted session for November 24. She had a coughing spell. She walked better during break, though, and felt much better when the session resumed at 9:42.)

In the main however he felt he did not live up to your expectations, that the two of you were not together emotionally.

He felt ashamed of what he thought you thought of as trivial unimportant matters, homey concerns. He became ashamed of them. Fear of childbirth was also involved. He feels you both can be more lenient now since the possibilities have dropped some: because of his age he is less likely to become pregnant, than when he was, say, 30.

He also felt sexually that what you wanted least was true spontaneity, for that could lead him to forget himself enough to forget proper birth control methods. You did not trust intercourse anymore than he did.

Your location. You gave it more negative ones than Ruburt, but each of you felt it was all you could afford, and poor at that. The contrast between your last stay there, and that one, and in your relationship, was too obvious for comfort.

You (to me) felt that your physical situation in the years between was not that much better—and on top of it you had quit your job. The two of you were in one room together, where Ruburt felt his imperfections could not be hidden.