“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You do have strong perfectionist leanings. They are, whether you know it or not, also projected by you upon Ruburt, so that you do see his physical condition as an outrage, not only literally but symbolically. This is something quite beside your normal urge to see your wife in good health.

Ruburt has always known this. To some extent he had equated his recovery as almost impossible at times, since in those terms, now, and when (underlined) they operate, it puts him in the position of trying to be perfect. Do you follow me?

He had to be perfect for you in order to be physically perfect, and he felt it impossible to be perfect enough, so that this could be physically materialized. He felt you were rigid in your standards. Now much of this has to do with his own characteristics, as given, and ways of reacting. He was afraid you would become like your father in his treatment of your mother.

The sessions having to do with your sexual life are important, vitally so.

(“It’s nothing great. What do you think about the news he got about sales this week, because of the Time Magazine article?”)

You do not as yet understand how your own attitudes affect such matters. It is dependent upon your own attitudes; how much publicity you want, and how you are jointly going to face the world.

It can work or it can be disastrous, then. You make your reality. There is no reason it cannot work, and well, with the proper attitudes. On your part, the relative greater importance of such a project to you over that of the writer (for Gallery) means that your attitudes will predominate. Do you follow me?

You gave also creatively, and do not forget that. Age is involved, in that you knew Ruburt would go so far and no further, and so did he.

This would have frightened you enough so that you would have come to him freely, or in his eyes not cared enough to. Do you have other questions?

It is because you both are such loners basically, creatively and in normal physical life, that Ruburt realized that you must have a strong and vital, open and warm system of communication with each other. It also means that you alone in the main must meet each other’s emotional needs. They do not find fulfillment from a large family in daily contact, for example, or from a large group of friends.

A good deal for the leg contraction has to do with inhibited sexual impulse. There will be some resistance on his part (touching leg) as you resume a normal sexual pattern, simply because of the pent-up frightened energy.

Ruburt would not allow that to happen any more, for both of your sakes. He would not hurt himself either beyond a certain point. Hence his just-surfacing thought last week about separate apartments. Beyond all this he also knew he had to consider the separate apartments while knowing they would not be necessary. Do you follow me?

He had to know he could do it, and that he would, while a portion of him knew quite well that it was not necessary.

You use the excuse of work, both of you, to isolate yourselves from other people while you did crossword puzzles, and little work. You isolated yourselves and did not put to advantage much—though some—of what I told you. You saw that when you did not rely on your work, you enjoyed few creature comforts. Do you follow me?

You were not painting. Ruburt was not writing. You were faced with your relationship as it exists apart from your work together. Now do you follow me?

The easy, spontaneous, daily, trivial, give-and-take was not there. Both of you knew it. You took approximately the same amount of time to do your puzzles as you usually spent working, to fill in the gap. Does that answer your question?

You do not believe me now when I tell you that you have always exaggerated your situation and Ruburt’s as far as its negative aspects are concerned—but you have, and this has been part of the difficulty.