“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

You judge yourself far too harshly however. You have a gift for bringing out the spontaneity from others, for calling from them qualities of giving and letting go, and in so doing you ride the spontaneity of others also—you can go along with it. It is only when you feel you yourself must give up yourself on demand—you are not able to let yourself go. This is from distorted attitudes of your own. The fear under those circumstances of letting go, and yet the fear has to do with the deeper fear involving the nature of your own inner faith—thoughts, of course, of being annihilated, not however by the emotions of another, but by your own.

Forget the word orgasm. Forget what you think intellectually it means. When making love, simply become aware of what your body feels. Do not try to force your body onward. Use a balanced alertness and passivity. Simply be yourself as you are.

I know you have tried concentrating on pleasing your husband first of all. However, I suggest that you simply realize that your body is an important part of you that you have allowed to go begging—that its response can be perfectly adequate that you must release it from your own preconceptions—particularly from your idea of what an orgasm should be...that you allow yourself to feel freely.

Be aware of what your body feels without questioning—without wondering whether or not your body should feel more—allow yourself to feel your husband’s caresses in the same way a flower might feel the sun.

Allow yourself feelings when you make love. Forget the great burden that you must have an orgasm.

Make up certain games in your lovemaking. Involve your husband in them. Let him surprise you. Have the stress be upon, first of all, gentle touches. You know many of these sensitivity techniques. Use these. Let yourself be lost in the wonder of his hand upon your thigh, of the heat between the hand and the thigh, and forget the word or thought of sexual orgasm. You are laboring too much.

In your particular case I would even suggest that you stay away from the normally accepted sexual areas for awhile, and enjoy instead of the content (?); i.e. when he kisses your hand, and you are aware of the sensation of lip against palm and vice versa—be aware of feeling also in your hand on his skin. Lose yourself in that sensation. This involves active concentration on your part.

Now—I would like to make a few comments regarding what Ruburt just said. First of all, if you will forgive me, you would have no difficulty at all having orgasm with a man to whom you were deeply attracted if he were not your husband, and if you could get over the moral barriers that might prevent it—if you could convince yourself that it was all right.

You would be better off if you told yourself you didn’t care if you ever had an orgasm in your life. And if you could tell yourself that, and honestly, you would have no trouble in having an orgasm.

There is something in here also having to do with your feelings about yourself as a rebel—as one who does not conform, who stands apart. In not having an orgasm, to certain layers of your personality, now, you are maintaining your individuality—you are reinforcing the idea that you are a rebel, and free, but not conforming as is expected of you. The same applies to hypnosis.

Even in psychological circles you are to some extent considered a joyful rebel. Your methods are sometimes thought of as avant garde in comparison to many others. You think of yourself then as someone different, as a rebel, as able to help other people and as spontaneous and warm.

You must, above all things, stop telling yourself again that you must have an orgasm. You must stop thinking in terms of performance. You must begin thinking in terms of feeling.

When you honestly let yourself become aware of the slightest touch between your husband and yourself and honestly admit it and enjoy it, you are a step ahead.

There is also some confusion having to do with your own idea of what male and female is and what is required of each. In your rebellion you see yourself as the male. Spontaneity and freedom also suggest itself to you as male rather than female. On the other hand, you feel yourself womanly. The male image of a rebeller, however, comes to a halt in your lovemaking encounters.

I have another suggestion to make in the area of lovemaking—that you imagine yourself on occasion as your husband, and imagine what he must feel as he touches your body.