“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

You judge yourself far too harshly however. You have a gift for bringing out the spontaneity from others, for calling from them qualities of giving and letting go, and in so doing you ride the spontaneity of others also—you can go along with it. It is only when you feel you yourself must give up yourself on demand—you are not able to let yourself go. This is from distorted attitudes of your own. The fear under those circumstances of letting go, and yet the fear has to do with the deeper fear involving the nature of your own inner faith—thoughts, of course, of being annihilated, not however by the emotions of another, but by your own.

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

You feel that you are a warm, spontaneous person. You do not like to take orders—you do not like barriers—you do not like enforcements. You are the kind of person that likes to do things for other people, but not if someone demands that you do.

In refusing to have an orgasm you are showing your rebellion against authority. A certain part of you insists it is being spontaneous by withholding the orgasm—simply because it is demanded or expected.

The same applies to hypnosis. When the condition is set up or the situation in which giving in, in your terms, is expected of you, and when the hypnotist is set up as an authority—you instantly rebel, and in your own way, you reinforce your ideas of spontaneity by refusing to go along with the authority. Going along with the authority is not being spontaneous to your way of thinking—it is conforming.

There is also, within, that you do not want to be one of the masses of men and women who experience the same phenomena, in other words, the orgasm—that you want to be apart, and different, and indeed spontaneous and a rebel and walk along in your own way. There is behind it all also, a great embarrassment that you must share such a sensation with others, if you experienced it within marriage—it is expected within marriage—people looking at you, in other words, if you are married can say that you do it.

Before marriage, in the context of your relationship, however, this did not apply. Then having orgasm meant rebellion, meant being different, meant being spontaneous, and meant being apart from others. After the ceremony, it meant conforming to what was expected, being one of the masses, giving up your individuality.

You are a great help to your patients because then you allow your spontaneity full play. You use telepathy very well in discovering their feelings—you use your inner senses in perceiving their difficulties and intuitively you are aware of the problems and able to help them rise above them.

Even in psychological circles you are to some extent considered a joyful rebel. Your methods are sometimes thought of as avant garde in comparison to many others. You think of yourself then as someone different, as a rebel, as able to help other people and as spontaneous and warm.

There is also some confusion having to do with your own idea of what male and female is and what is required of each. In your rebellion you see yourself as the male. Spontaneity and freedom also suggest itself to you as male rather than female. On the other hand, you feel yourself womanly. The male image of a rebeller, however, comes to a halt in your lovemaking encounters.

Do not resent the fact that your husband can have orgasm so easily, in your terms. You are jealous in that regard of what you consider his spontaneity. You envy him his pleasure while feeling you should not feel envious. In your present condition, however, a certain portion of you is still pleased that you have held out—that you are the rebel to the last, and that you have not given in.

The marriage contract itself has had therefore a strong fate, for what you did spontaneously is now demanded and once it is demanded, you rebel. I want to make sure you understand this.