“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

As a child, you would surprise your elders by performing chores when they were unexpected of you, when they were not demanded. When demands were made, however, you became either innerly resentful or rebellious.

The act of love did not seem as unique—it did not seem to belong to the two of you alone any more, but you must share it with others, and you resented it. Certain portions of your personality were even embarrassed. The children were born because others would by implication share in the knowledge of relationship involved. You did not want to share this.

There is no reason why you cannot progress in your meditations either—the two are so intimately connected and you have equated them in a strange manner in your own mind. This again is the problem of trying too hard. You should use your own mantra—you resent using the mantras of others—the very fact that certain mantras are expected to bring you to a certain state of consciousness is precisely enough to make you decide that you will not go in that direction.

Do not resent the fact that your husband can have orgasm so easily, in your terms. You are jealous in that regard of what you consider his spontaneity. You envy him his pleasure while feeling you should not feel envious. In your present condition, however, a certain portion of you is still pleased that you have held out—that you are the rebel to the last, and that you have not given in.