“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

Forget the word orgasm. Forget what you think intellectually it means. When making love, simply become aware of what your body feels. Do not try to force your body onward. Use a balanced alertness and passivity. Simply be yourself as you are.

I know you have tried concentrating on pleasing your husband first of all. However, I suggest that you simply realize that your body is an important part of you that you have allowed to go begging—that its response can be perfectly adequate that you must release it from your own preconceptions—particularly from your idea of what an orgasm should be...that you allow yourself to feel freely.

If you will not try to have an orgasm—if you will simply allow your body to become aware of the sensations that it feels, then you will be at a beginning.

Forget the word orgasm. Become aware of what you do feel without questioning. Cease to strive for an orgasm. You are trying too hard in that direction, as with meditation. You are too earnest in that regard. In its own way hypnosis involves a psychic kind of play—meditation involves a psychic kind of play and lovemaking involves a psychic kind of play. You are too serious in your lovemaking, as in other fields.

Allow yourself feelings when you make love. Forget the great burden that you must have an orgasm.

Make up certain games in your lovemaking. Involve your husband in them. Let him surprise you. Have the stress be upon, first of all, gentle touches. You know many of these sensitivity techniques. Use these. Let yourself be lost in the wonder of his hand upon your thigh, of the heat between the hand and the thigh, and forget the word or thought of sexual orgasm. You are laboring too much.

He is quite able to follow in these games, even to initiate them. You are quite capable in the terms of which you speak of having orgasm if you allow it.

It may seem in your terms that orgasm demands a letting go—a lack of concentration. Yet instead, a high amount of concentration is involved, as other stimuli are shut out and consciousness is instead focused on visible sensation. This involves action on your part and the focusing of attention—then this will help clear away some of your difficulty.

(Jane [Ruburt] said something to me on the tape about having a strong feeling of resistance on my part—as though in spite of all I said about wanting to have orgasm, I really didn’t want to—that it was a strong protective measure, as though my survival in one way depends on it.

Now—I would like to make a few comments regarding what Ruburt just said. First of all, if you will forgive me, you would have no difficulty at all having orgasm with a man to whom you were deeply attracted if he were not your husband, and if you could get over the moral barriers that might prevent it—if you could convince yourself that it was all right.

It is the fact that you are expected to have an orgasm, that causes the difficulty.

The orgasm to you, then, stands for enforcements. The idea of performing in such a manner, giving in such a manner or on demand, as if it’s expected of you—this is the difficulty.

You have created the problem in your own mind, of course, and reinforce it. The more you build up the necessity of having an orgasm, the more impossible it becomes.

You would be better off if you told yourself you didn’t care if you ever had an orgasm in your life. And if you could tell yourself that, and honestly, you would have no trouble in having an orgasm.

But again the term betrays (?). What point, if you will forgive me, is reached when you can say: “Yes, now I’m having an orgasm, and now I am not, and the sensation begins and ends.” A complex variety of feelings and emotions are involved—they rise and fall, but they do not begin and end in that particular regard.

In refusing to have an orgasm you are showing your rebellion against authority. A certain part of you insists it is being spontaneous by withholding the orgasm—simply because it is demanded or expected.

There is something in here also having to do with your feelings about yourself as a rebel—as one who does not conform, who stands apart. In not having an orgasm, to certain layers of your personality, now, you are maintaining your individuality—you are reinforcing the idea that you are a rebel, and free, but not conforming as is expected of you. The same applies to hypnosis.

There is also, within, that you do not want to be one of the masses of men and women who experience the same phenomena, in other words, the orgasm—that you want to be apart, and different, and indeed spontaneous and a rebel and walk along in your own way. There is behind it all also, a great embarrassment that you must share such a sensation with others, if you experienced it within marriage—it is expected within marriage—people looking at you, in other words, if you are married can say that you do it.

Before marriage, in the context of your relationship, however, this did not apply. Then having orgasm meant rebellion, meant being different, meant being spontaneous, and meant being apart from others. After the ceremony, it meant conforming to what was expected, being one of the masses, giving up your individuality.

You must, above all things, stop telling yourself again that you must have an orgasm. You must stop thinking in terms of performance. You must begin thinking in terms of feeling.

Do not resent the fact that your husband can have orgasm so easily, in your terms. You are jealous in that regard of what you consider his spontaneity. You envy him his pleasure while feeling you should not feel envious. In your present condition, however, a certain portion of you is still pleased that you have held out—that you are the rebel to the last, and that you have not given in.