“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

(Jane [Ruburt] said something to me on the tape about having a strong feeling of resistance on my part—as though in spite of all I said about wanting to have orgasm, I really didn’t want to—that it was a strong protective measure, as though my survival in one way depends on it.

There is something in here also having to do with your feelings about yourself as a rebel—as one who does not conform, who stands apart. In not having an orgasm, to certain layers of your personality, now, you are maintaining your individuality—you are reinforcing the idea that you are a rebel, and free, but not conforming as is expected of you. The same applies to hypnosis.

There is also, within, that you do not want to be one of the masses of men and women who experience the same phenomena, in other words, the orgasm—that you want to be apart, and different, and indeed spontaneous and a rebel and walk along in your own way. There is behind it all also, a great embarrassment that you must share such a sensation with others, if you experienced it within marriage—it is expected within marriage—people looking at you, in other words, if you are married can say that you do it.

Before marriage, in the context of your relationship, however, this did not apply. Then having orgasm meant rebellion, meant being different, meant being spontaneous, and meant being apart from others. After the ceremony, it meant conforming to what was expected, being one of the masses, giving up your individuality.

Before your marriage, you and he, _______, stood against the world in a relationship that you considered intimate and isolated, one of its kind. After your marriage, because of your interpretation and attitude, it seemed you became one of others, or two amongst many.

You do not feel forced to do this, however. You feel to one extent, flattered, they are asking for assistance—they need your help. You are the authority.

But when these qualities are demanded of you, in your mind, or when you believe you must perform them, you become frozen. This has also applied to one small area of your profession life also.