“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

There is also, within, that you do not want to be one of the masses of men and women who experience the same phenomena, in other words, the orgasm—that you want to be apart, and different, and indeed spontaneous and a rebel and walk along in your own way. There is behind it all also, a great embarrassment that you must share such a sensation with others, if you experienced it within marriage—it is expected within marriage—people looking at you, in other words, if you are married can say that you do it.

Before marriage, in the context of your relationship, however, this did not apply. Then having orgasm meant rebellion, meant being different, meant being spontaneous, and meant being apart from others. After the ceremony, it meant conforming to what was expected, being one of the masses, giving up your individuality.

Before your marriage, you and he, _______, stood against the world in a relationship that you considered intimate and isolated, one of its kind. After your marriage, because of your interpretation and attitude, it seemed you became one of others, or two amongst many.

The marriage contract itself has had therefore a strong fate, for what you did spontaneously is now demanded and once it is demanded, you rebel. I want to make sure you understand this.