“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

I know you have tried concentrating on pleasing your husband first of all. However, I suggest that you simply realize that your body is an important part of you that you have allowed to go begging—that its response can be perfectly adequate that you must release it from your own preconceptions—particularly from your idea of what an orgasm should be...that you allow yourself to feel freely.

Do not try to let go—forget the idea of letting go. Simply become aware of your sensations. Concentrate upon what your body feels. Imagine, the interrelationship, for example, between his hand and the particular portion of your body that it is touching. Realize that the simple atoms and molecules that compose your bodies are aware, and are vital and participating. Left to themselves they know their own joy and are aware of such intimate relationships.

The orgasm to you, then, stands for enforcements. The idea of performing in such a manner, giving in such a manner or on demand, as if it’s expected of you—this is the difficulty.

The same applies to hypnosis. When the condition is set up or the situation in which giving in, in your terms, is expected of you, and when the hypnotist is set up as an authority—you instantly rebel, and in your own way, you reinforce your ideas of spontaneity by refusing to go along with the authority. Going along with the authority is not being spontaneous to your way of thinking—it is conforming.

There is something in here also having to do with your feelings about yourself as a rebel—as one who does not conform, who stands apart. In not having an orgasm, to certain layers of your personality, now, you are maintaining your individuality—you are reinforcing the idea that you are a rebel, and free, but not conforming as is expected of you. The same applies to hypnosis.

There is also some confusion having to do with your own idea of what male and female is and what is required of each. In your rebellion you see yourself as the male. Spontaneity and freedom also suggest itself to you as male rather than female. On the other hand, you feel yourself womanly. The male image of a rebeller, however, comes to a halt in your lovemaking encounters.

Concentrate upon the idea of your body being a field awakened by the wind and the rain—awakened into sensation—not necessarily passive, then, but in a strange condition between alertness and passivity.