“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

You judge yourself far too harshly however. You have a gift for bringing out the spontaneity from others, for calling from them qualities of giving and letting go, and in so doing you ride the spontaneity of others also—you can go along with it. It is only when you feel you yourself must give up yourself on demand—you are not able to let yourself go. This is from distorted attitudes of your own. The fear under those circumstances of letting go, and yet the fear has to do with the deeper fear involving the nature of your own inner faith—thoughts, of course, of being annihilated, not however by the emotions of another, but by your own.

It may seem in your terms that orgasm demands a letting go—a lack of concentration. Yet instead, a high amount of concentration is involved, as other stimuli are shut out and consciousness is instead focused on visible sensation. This involves action on your part and the focusing of attention—then this will help clear away some of your difficulty.

You feel that you are a warm, spontaneous person. You do not like to take orders—you do not like barriers—you do not like enforcements. You are the kind of person that likes to do things for other people, but not if someone demands that you do.

As a child, you would surprise your elders by performing chores when they were unexpected of you, when they were not demanded. When demands were made, however, you became either innerly resentful or rebellious.

The orgasm to you, then, stands for enforcements. The idea of performing in such a manner, giving in such a manner or on demand, as if it’s expected of you—this is the difficulty.

In refusing to have an orgasm you are showing your rebellion against authority. A certain part of you insists it is being spontaneous by withholding the orgasm—simply because it is demanded or expected.

But when these qualities are demanded of you, in your mind, or when you believe you must perform them, you become frozen. This has also applied to one small area of your profession life also.

The marriage contract itself has had therefore a strong fate, for what you did spontaneously is now demanded and once it is demanded, you rebel. I want to make sure you understand this.