“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You judge yourself far too harshly however. You have a gift for bringing out the spontaneity from others, for calling from them qualities of giving and letting go, and in so doing you ride the spontaneity of others also—you can go along with it. It is only when you feel you yourself must give up yourself on demand—you are not able to let yourself go. This is from distorted attitudes of your own. The fear under those circumstances of letting go, and yet the fear has to do with the deeper fear involving the nature of your own inner faith—thoughts, of course, of being annihilated, not however by the emotions of another, but by your own.

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

I want you to take it for granted that your body feels—but that you have often inhibited the feeling. Therefore, I want you in your lovemaking to imagine that your body is like a field—be aware as stimuli come to this field—feel it waken. I want you to concentrate upon feeling actively. I want you to be alert to the movement of muscles—the message of nerves. The body is affected by touch in the same way as a field by the wind, the sun and the rain. I simply suggest, therefore, that you become aware in the same manner—that you listen for what your body feels. It is you who have been blocking sensations that are there and do exist.

I am trying to give you some practical advice. Expect another tape at a later time, and we will cover more regarding will. But I want you to follow instructions given this evening now.

You feel that you are a warm, spontaneous person. You do not like to take orders—you do not like barriers—you do not like enforcements. You are the kind of person that likes to do things for other people, but not if someone demands that you do.

But again the term betrays (?). What point, if you will forgive me, is reached when you can say: “Yes, now I’m having an orgasm, and now I am not, and the sensation begins and ends.” A complex variety of feelings and emotions are involved—they rise and fall, but they do not begin and end in that particular regard.

There is something in here also having to do with your feelings about yourself as a rebel—as one who does not conform, who stands apart. In not having an orgasm, to certain layers of your personality, now, you are maintaining your individuality—you are reinforcing the idea that you are a rebel, and free, but not conforming as is expected of you. The same applies to hypnosis.

Certain parts of you are trying their best to help you, and they... (?). I will have some other recommendations but I want you to become aware of the symbolism behind...(?).

The act of love did not seem as unique—it did not seem to belong to the two of you alone any more, but you must share it with others, and you resented it. Certain portions of your personality were even embarrassed. The children were born because others would by implication share in the knowledge of relationship involved. You did not want to share this.

Now, from your early years, you did not want to feel forced to do anything, but wanted to use your abilities freely.

But when these qualities are demanded of you, in your mind, or when you believe you must perform them, you become frozen. This has also applied to one small area of your profession life also.

Concentrate upon the idea of your body being a field awakened by the wind and the rain—awakened into sensation—not necessarily passive, then, but in a strange condition between alertness and passivity.

As I told you, we will go into deeper reasons, but for now, I want you to pay attention to what I have said, and to try these methods for they will work and they will show results if you apply them.

There are some remarks in your letter that I will comment upon and also go into background material. But all information given tonight should be helpful too and if you follow the advice given, you should become aware of a sense of sexual freedom and joy that is novel.