“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

You judge yourself far too harshly however. You have a gift for bringing out the spontaneity from others, for calling from them qualities of giving and letting go, and in so doing you ride the spontaneity of others also—you can go along with it. It is only when you feel you yourself must give up yourself on demand—you are not able to let yourself go. This is from distorted attitudes of your own. The fear under those circumstances of letting go, and yet the fear has to do with the deeper fear involving the nature of your own inner faith—thoughts, of course, of being annihilated, not however by the emotions of another, but by your own.

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

Before your marriage, you and he, _______, stood against the world in a relationship that you considered intimate and isolated, one of its kind. After your marriage, because of your interpretation and attitude, it seemed you became one of others, or two amongst many.