“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

Before your marriage, you and he, _______, stood against the world in a relationship that you considered intimate and isolated, one of its kind. After your marriage, because of your interpretation and attitude, it seemed you became one of others, or two amongst many.

The act of love did not seem as unique—it did not seem to belong to the two of you alone any more, but you must share it with others, and you resented it. Certain portions of your personality were even embarrassed. The children were born because others would by implication share in the knowledge of relationship involved. You did not want to share this.

There is no reason why you cannot progress in your meditations either—the two are so intimately connected and you have equated them in a strange manner in your own mind. This again is the problem of trying too hard. You should use your own mantra—you resent using the mantras of others—the very fact that certain mantras are expected to bring you to a certain state of consciousness is precisely enough to make you decide that you will not go in that direction.