“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

Now, Good evening, and good evening to our friends. I will be addressing ____. Now before we begin, let me say a few things to you. First of all, as you well know, you cannot force spontaneity. You have it in your mind that you must be spontaneous, that you must let yourself go, and as you also know, spontaneity is not achieved in that manner. You want to feel free to give of your own nature, not when it is demanded by contract. You do not want to give upon demand—after your marriage you felt as if this was the case. You felt quite free to have an orgasm when you did not consider it something required of you—when you gave out of your own giving. You have always given of yourself—in many areas you have always been spontaneous. You do not want to give when you feel you must give. You do not want to give on demand. You can live with the idea of being a mistress, not wife—the two roles clash in your own psyche. There is a connection here between you when you know so much about hypnosis (“and yet not successful in going into it yourself”—I lost these words—and am paraphrasing Seth here).

You judge yourself far too harshly however. You have a gift for bringing out the spontaneity from others, for calling from them qualities of giving and letting go, and in so doing you ride the spontaneity of others also—you can go along with it. It is only when you feel you yourself must give up yourself on demand—you are not able to let yourself go. This is from distorted attitudes of your own. The fear under those circumstances of letting go, and yet the fear has to do with the deeper fear involving the nature of your own inner faith—thoughts, of course, of being annihilated, not however by the emotions of another, but by your own.

You set up strong barriers in those directions—these have been added to by concentration upon the problem, so you become involved in this vicious circle. You try harder to give up when you cannot try to give up. The overconcentration prevents you from doing what you say and feel you want to do.

Your husband’s attitude, certainly on the surface, has been understanding. Yet despite the surface attitude you feel, this is a duty, and you have set in your mind a bogeyman, called Orgasm. You have glorified what orgasm is—the unattainable, and therefore, the symbol of all the other qualities you want to achieve or think you should achieve, but do not have. The term, itself, sets up a barrier. In the spontaneous, normal natural feelings you have, you always question: How far am I going, how much am I giving? Always beginning with the idea that the orgasm for you is impossible to achieve. Your body has a set of contradictory doctrines—it cannot behave on its own. The negative taboos over the years have built up. Some of this can be immediately negated if you do one thing.

Forget the word orgasm. Forget what you think intellectually it means. When making love, simply become aware of what your body feels. Do not try to force your body onward. Use a balanced alertness and passivity. Simply be yourself as you are.

Do not try to let go—forget the idea of letting go. Simply become aware of your sensations. Concentrate upon what your body feels. Imagine, the interrelationship, for example, between his hand and the particular portion of your body that it is touching. Realize that the simple atoms and molecules that compose your bodies are aware, and are vital and participating. Left to themselves they know their own joy and are aware of such intimate relationships.

I want you to take it for granted that your body feels—but that you have often inhibited the feeling. Therefore, I want you in your lovemaking to imagine that your body is like a field—be aware as stimuli come to this field—feel it waken. I want you to concentrate upon feeling actively. I want you to be alert to the movement of muscles—the message of nerves. The body is affected by touch in the same way as a field by the wind, the sun and the rain. I simply suggest, therefore, that you become aware in the same manner—that you listen for what your body feels. It is you who have been blocking sensations that are there and do exist.

Forget the word orgasm. Become aware of what you do feel without questioning. Cease to strive for an orgasm. You are trying too hard in that direction, as with meditation. You are too earnest in that regard. In its own way hypnosis involves a psychic kind of play—meditation involves a psychic kind of play and lovemaking involves a psychic kind of play. You are too serious in your lovemaking, as in other fields.

Allow your body its simple pleasure. Do not begin by insisting it have a certain kind of peak—let it go to be itself. The same thing in meditation—let your inner self play in your meditation and let your body play in your lovemaking.

When his lips touch your hand—if you do it in the sense of play and allow your native awareness to function.

You feel that you are a warm, spontaneous person. You do not like to take orders—you do not like barriers—you do not like enforcements. You are the kind of person that likes to do things for other people, but not if someone demands that you do.

But again the term betrays (?). What point, if you will forgive me, is reached when you can say: “Yes, now I’m having an orgasm, and now I am not, and the sensation begins and ends.” A complex variety of feelings and emotions are involved—they rise and fall, but they do not begin and end in that particular regard.

There is something in here also having to do with your feelings about yourself as a rebel—as one who does not conform, who stands apart. In not having an orgasm, to certain layers of your personality, now, you are maintaining your individuality—you are reinforcing the idea that you are a rebel, and free, but not conforming as is expected of you. The same applies to hypnosis.

There is also, within, that you do not want to be one of the masses of men and women who experience the same phenomena, in other words, the orgasm—that you want to be apart, and different, and indeed spontaneous and a rebel and walk along in your own way. There is behind it all also, a great embarrassment that you must share such a sensation with others, if you experienced it within marriage—it is expected within marriage—people looking at you, in other words, if you are married can say that you do it.

Now, from your early years, you did not want to feel forced to do anything, but wanted to use your abilities freely.

You do not feel forced to do this, however. You feel to one extent, flattered, they are asking for assistance—they need your help. You are the authority.

Some of this has to do with feelings toward your father in this life. I told you we are working from the present backward. There seems to be the name J (?) in the background here somewhere and it’s Dumold (?).

There is also some confusion having to do with your own idea of what male and female is and what is required of each. In your rebellion you see yourself as the male. Spontaneity and freedom also suggest itself to you as male rather than female. On the other hand, you feel yourself womanly. The male image of a rebeller, however, comes to a halt in your lovemaking encounters.

Do not resent the fact that your husband can have orgasm so easily, in your terms. You are jealous in that regard of what you consider his spontaneity. You envy him his pleasure while feeling you should not feel envious. In your present condition, however, a certain portion of you is still pleased that you have held out—that you are the rebel to the last, and that you have not given in.

You always seek in your profession, you see, to go above the others to seek new methods to be avante garde. To show that although there are many psychologists with degrees seemingly in the same category as you are, that you are, nevertheless, beyond them. Now do not take any of this in terms of guilt—there is nothing for you to feel guilty about. You have simply to understand why you feel as you feel, and not to inhibit your own feelings.

This means using your mind and applying the mind to the body—not blocking out the mind. Any love encounter is truly unique and different from any other and this you must understand. A love encounter is a way of expressing your individuality. In expressing it, you do not lose it—you are not less a rebel. In expressing it you become more what you are—you jump the bridge of communication beyond words, and this can be a simple thing involving merely the touch of hand on hand or thigh on thigh.

So do not label the experience you think you should have. Let your body and your mind become aware of what your body feels in these encounters.

Now there will be another tape within 3 months time if we do not see you earlier.