“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

He would purposely choose occasions in which dancing, to begin with, was at least not the thing—when no one else was dancing, when an ordinary person might have inhibitions against it. The very challenge was made because it, the challenge, aroused him to action in a situation in which he felt your natural inhibitions would meet up against his denied spontaneity.

When you refused to dance, he interpreted this to mean that he was right: he could be spontaneous only as long as it was socially approved, did not hassle you, and when he did not stand out from the crowd.

There is more there, but it is a cameo situation involving many important ingredients, where he feels that letting go means he is too flamboyant for you. It is important because it involves both private and public circumstances, his attitude toward himself, you, and other people, spontaneity, and restraint.

Then he felt that you were accusing him of being stupid, but without trying to come up with any solutions of your own. Then he felt completely alone, with a problem he feared he could not solve. He looked to your reaction after any spontaneous behavior, and he believed, now, that your reaction was negative.

Very simply, the dancing episodes serve as an example. It seemed to him that if he spontaneously felt happy about a book that you would remind him of less favorable aspects. On the other hand he was convinced of your deep loyalty and love, and knew that you did want him to succeed and use his abilities.

He felt that you disapproved of class, of the spontaneity, and did not ever attend, while you were pleased with the money, and that if you attended you would be in second place. That is why when the two of you met as a unit, so to speak, with the Rochester group (last week) that he allowed himself greater freedom, and in that context he believed you approved. (The Seth III episode, etc.)

Now. As partners, to some extent consciously you agreed to varying attitudes at different times to the conditions, though the main elements of course are Ruburt’s. You feel the necessity for some restraint in social encounters, and with the world at large. Ruburt is providing them, and also for his own reasons. He is showing the spontaneity in his work that you have denied yourself in many respects in yours. He is dealing with the world of markets that you have been unwilling to deal with. That is why you are so sensitive in that area.