“Seth material” search engine (Jane Roberts)

(#12: Is Ruburt at all concerned with the effects of his present behavior on me—my feelings, etc.?)

He did of course care deeply, (and had) his interpretation of your feelings: he believed that the symptoms served you both, that you would on the one hand object, give lip service against his methods, but that underneath they provided you service.

We are working with his beliefs. He felt that you would find tours, etc., highly disruptive. There would be endless decisions to be made. The symptoms cut the need for decisions in that area.

At the same time you encouraged him to success, but he felt only to a certain point, for the fruits of the success you might find disruptive. In the family to which he has always been sensitive he believed his success put you down, particularly with your mother and Loren. (My younger brother.)

His symptoms were meant, in a way, now, in regard to you, to make you feel better, for by contrast you became the success and he the failure. That failure was also meant to take your mind away from what he believed you believed was your own failure as an artist.

At the same time he began to see what the symptoms turned you off to some degree, and this made him angry. Some late instances I have mentioned, having to do with his beliefs and interpretations now, of your actions in dance establishments.

He would purposely choose occasions in which dancing, to begin with, was at least not the thing—when no one else was dancing, when an ordinary person might have inhibitions against it. The very challenge was made because it, the challenge, aroused him to action in a situation in which he felt your natural inhibitions would meet up against his denied spontaneity.

His sudden desire to dance and the freedom came fairly quickly after you started going out again. You stopped immediately, avoiding the situation. Ruburt’s sudden desire to dance was also based upon desperation and defiance, which you recognized and reacted against.

There is more there, but it is a cameo situation involving many important ingredients, where he feels that letting go means he is too flamboyant for you. It is important because it involves both private and public circumstances, his attitude toward himself, you, and other people, spontaneity, and restraint.

Very simply, the dancing episodes serve as an example. It seemed to him that if he spontaneously felt happy about a book that you would remind him of less favorable aspects. On the other hand he was convinced of your deep loyalty and love, and knew that you did want him to succeed and use his abilities.

Now. As partners, to some extent consciously you agreed to varying attitudes at different times to the conditions, though the main elements of course are Ruburt’s. You feel the necessity for some restraint in social encounters, and with the world at large. Ruburt is providing them, and also for his own reasons. He is showing the spontaneity in his work that you have denied yourself in many respects in yours. He is dealing with the world of markets that you have been unwilling to deal with. That is why you are so sensitive in that area.

(10:28.) Give us a moment.... To some extent it is a matter of some perfectly adequate beliefs not being tempered by others. Some of the beliefs Ruburt holds, that you think you disapprove of, you agree with—though not with his methods.

Give us time.... You have agreed that restraints should be used. Ruburt chose the method. The methods came from his own experience in this life. The things you both strongly agreed upon were allowed freedom within those limitations. Until recently you spoke to him against travel because you lost work time. He believed that you thought it a waste of time, so he did not believe his lack of physical mobility that way would hamper you.

You each have strong drives toward secrecy. Your idea was to isolate yourself on a mountaintop, where the world could not get at you. His idea was an arrangement where he could not go out into the world.